


The Past Unravelled

by MonkeyZero



Series: The Shape of Happiness [3]
Category: Cardcaptor Sakura, Tsubasa: Reservoir Chronicle
Genre: I'm Sorry, M/M, but it's a major theme, non-con is not graphically described, not a happy fic, so proceed with caution please, there's also plenty of mentions of child abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-16
Updated: 2018-01-29
Packaged: 2019-02-15 11:45:44
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,051
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13030383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MonkeyZero/pseuds/MonkeyZero
Summary: Kurogane has always known Fai is running from somebody. Now he needs to protect Fai, but Fai isn't one to trust.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> -If you didn't read the tags (and always read the tags, I have Messed Up before and my eyes are Scarred) this fic deals with some pretty intense subjects  
> -I always make my faves suffer when I'm going through Shit, sorry about it  
> -first, this won't make sense if you haven't read my fic The Shape of Happiness  
> -but some of the darker themes touched on there are more fleshed out here  
> -We get a lot into Fai's childhood with Yuui and then with Ashura  
> -Apparently a lot of people like Ashura, and if you can't read your fave as a villain (I know I can't) do not read on.  
> -my tumblr is http://meow-meow-motherfckr.tumblr.com/, feel free to send asks, private messages, etc.  
> -feedback is welcome (but you don't need to be an ass about it if you didn't like something)

Kurogane

 

Kurogane was reading over some reports when he heard the front door open. He glanced over to see Sakura and Syaoran entering the house, Sakura clutching her head.

“Back from cheerleading this early?” Fai asked, glancing at the clock. 

“I dropped the baton on my head again,” Sakura admitted. “Syaoran had to leave soccer club early to help me home.”

“We should probably get you some ice,” Fai said.

“I’ll get it!” Toya and Syaoran said. Yukito, who was standing next to the freezer, looked up in surprise to see Syaoran and Toya practically racing one another to get ice.

“Boys,” Fai sighed. “If we all get Sakura-chan ice, she won’t be able to hold it.”

Toya and Syaoran looked at each other sheepishly, while Yukito handed Sakura an ice pack. Kurogane rolled his eyes and returned to his reports. They had been living together for two years, and yet Toya was still overly protective of Sakura, at least when it came to Syaoran. But perhaps there was something to that. Kurogane ignored the gnawing worry. Syaoran and Sakura were getting to that age… No matter how many times Fai told him not to worry, that they would be an adorable couple, and that they were pretty cute together anyways, Kurogane found he had his own protective instincts when it came to Sakura.

At a ring, Kurogane glanced over to the coffee table. “Fai,” he said. “Your phone.”

“My hands are covered in batter,” Fai sai, lifting his hands from where he was trying to make tempura. “Will one of you pick up for me?”

Toya rolled his eyes and picked up the phone. After a moment he held it out to his father. “It’s some woman speaking in Swedish.”

“Swedish?” Fai asked, a flash over worry flitting across his face. “Are you sure?”

“It sounds the same as when you talk to yourself,” Toya said with a shrug. “It’s not like I speak it.”

Fai rinsed of his hands and took the phone. Kurogane watched him closely as he wandered down the hall.

“Chi?” he said before opening the door to his office.

Carefully, Kurogane set down his papers and wandered into the hall after his boyfriend. Fai didn’t have any friends from Sweden.Whatever it was, he doubted it was good news. Sure enough, he heard a clatter as Fai’s phone fell to the floor.

“Fai?” Kurogane asked, pushing open his office door.

“Oh, Kuro-tan,” Fai laughed, bending down to pick his phone back up. “My hand slipped no need to worry.” He smiled, but he wore a look Kurogane recognized well. Externally, Fai looked as if nothing was wrong, but Kurogane knew he was panicking inside.

“Let’s go upstairs,” Kurogane suggested.

“You know I’d love to do something naughty, but I really should finish dinner,” Fai said, laughing again, but the laugh was forced.

“The kids can finish dinner,” Kurogane said. “We need to talk, don’t we?”

Fai glanced at Kurogane, then the door, then his phone, before saying, in a shaky voice, “I guess there’s something I should tell you, yeah.”

Fai made his way to the bedroom, while Kurogane stopped in the living room and took out some money. “Order dinner,” he said to the kids. “Whatever you want. Or finish cooking. Your father and I will join you soon.”

Ignoring the anxious faces, Kurogane followed Fai upstairs, to find his boyfriend sitting on their bed, knees tucked into his chest, trying to keep his breath steady.

Kurogane got him a glass of water and sat with his hand of Fai’s back while Fai drank.

“That was my friend Chi,” Fai said at last. “She had promised to call me if--well, when--somebody in particular got out of prison. I’ve been waiting for that call for over twenty years now.” Fai gave a tiny laugh, his hands gripping the glass of water even tighter. “Anyways, there’s somebody who is going to come looking for me. He told me he’d find me, no matter where in the world I went, and he’d always bring me home. I thought Japan might be far enough away, but I don’t think it’ll stop him.”

Kurogane took the empty glass from Fai and set it on the ground. “I can take care of this,” he said. “You know I can. But I need a name.”

Fai closed his eyes and shook his head. “I don’t want you to know. There’s a lot… I don’t think you could look at me the same.”

“Fai,” Kurogane sighed. “Keeping you safe is what’s most important to me. Your past...it’s yours, and I don’t have a right to it. I wouldn’t ask, but I know how scared you are of this person, and I need to protect you. I promise, whatever I read, whatever I learn about you, it won’t change my feelings for you.”

Fai shook his head again, but then said, “He’ll want to punish me for being with you. He might try to hurt you. And… he might try to hurt the kids.”

“I need a name,” Kurogane repeated. “Just give me a name, and I’ll take care of it. You won’t have to deal with anything past that.”

“Ashura,” Fai whispered. “Ashura Celes.”

Kurogane nodded and stood up. “I’d like to go to the station, unless you need me to stay here with you. Will you be ok alone with the kids?”

Fai nodded, then reached out to grab Kurogane’s hand as he made for the door. “Please don’t stay too late.”

Kurogane kissed him on the crown of the head and said, “I’ll be back before you go to sleep. I just need to get in contact with Sweden.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurogane and Fai get the news they've been dreading

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -I've had trouble with how to write Kurogane, because I think he cares about Fai a lot and will stand by him no matter what, but I also think he doesn't really understand the complexity of Fai's emotions. Kurogane tends to ignore the past, and Fai is caught up in it, but also Kurogane would always try to put Fai first. Also, since Kurogane's parents are alive in this AU, I think he would be a little more comfortable with feelings and stuff. Anyways, excuse the rant, but I wanted to share my writing process a little.

Kurogane

 

Kurogane was going over reports when his secretary, Suzume knocked on his office door. “Come in,” he said, barely looking up until a large envelope caught his attention.

“This just arrived,” She said, setting the folder down on his desk. “It says it came from Sweden.”

“It did,” Kurogane said, pulling the envelope towards him. “Do you need anything else?” he asked when Suzume did not leave. She flushed and apologized before letting herself out of his office. Kurogane scowled as he opened the file. It had taken longer than he would have liked to get it, but as it had to be translated, there was some delay. He had managed to get the information on Ashura’s parole officer, who has assured him he would be contacted if Ashura broke parole. He had been convinced that Ashura was a changed man, a model inmate, and posed no risk, but Kurogane did not make a habit of giving pedophiles second chances.

The file was thicker than he had expected, and he was immediately greeted by a mugshot. The man--Ashura--was handsome with long dark hair and sharp, cold eyes. Kurogane stared at the face long enough to memorize it, then flipped to the front page.

It was worse than he had expected. Rape of a minor, Kurogane had expected to see that charge. Human trafficking and child pornography were nasty surprises. Kurogane took a deep breath, and tried to ignore that it was his boyfriend’s rapist. He had seen lists of charges worse than this, but never this close to home. He knew there were things Fai hadn’t told him,but he had thought he knew the worst of it. The first nasty shock was that Ashura has been Fai’s foster father. That really shouldn’t have been a surprise: Kurogane knew Fai had been abused in the foster system and in these cases it was usually someone within the household. But he hadn’t known Fai had lived under the same roof as his abuser for seven years. Ashura had been arrested when Fai was fifteen after a school counsellor expressed concern, but from there things had only gotten more complicated. As Kurogane read on he learned that Ashura had been a social worker. He had met Fai while trying to find a new home for him, and had chosen to take Fai to live with him. After he had been arrested, the police had noticed trends among the other children he had placed in homes, children who turned out to have been abused. And Ashura had received payment for delivering children to the pedophiles who wanted them. He’d built himself quite the operation over the years, and never gotten caught, not until Fai.

Kurogane exhaled slowly and set the file down. He looked at the photo again, this time with hatred. Nobody had a right to hurt the people he loved, nobody had a right to make them feel afraid. Kurogane looked into the mugshot and saw the face of a man who was threatening his family. As he put the envelope back in his case, Kurogane knew that one way or another he was going to have to kill Ashura.

 

“Back from work Kuro-tan?” Fai looked up with a smile as his boyfriend let himself into the house. “You stayed late.”

“Paperwork,” Kurogane grunted. 

“There’s some food left over if you’re hungry,” Fai said.

“I got take out,” Kurogane said with a sigh. “I’m just going to take a bath and then bed.”

“Mm, I’ll join you soon,” Fai said. He was curled up on the sofa, wrapped up in one of his soft blue blankets, with his heavy wool socks. Fai got cold easily, and always wanted another person to snuggle up to. He needed to be treated gently, and loved, and cherished, and Kurogane didn’t want to think about what must have happened to him in his childhood. 

“You’re staring at me Kuro-pon,” Fai said.

“Sorry,” Kurogane said, blinking. He walked over to adjust the blanket over Fai’s feet to make sure he stayed warm. “You just look nice tonight.” Fai smiled and Kurogane kissed his forehead before making his way upstairs. He loved Fai so much, and he would do anything to protect him, but he could do nothing to change Fai’s past. Only protect his future.

 

When Kurogane got out of the bath, Fai was on the bed reading something over. Kurogane glanced over to see his briefcase open by the foot of the bed. “You’re not supposed to be reading that,” he said.

“You should think of a lock combination other than July thirteenth then.” Fai said. “I thought you were acting weird tonight. It’s not like you to keep things from me.”

“I don’t want to concern you,” Kurogane said, taking the file from Fai’s hands. “You were a victim of a violent crime. It’s standard procedure to involve you as little as possible.”

“Very professional of you Chief Suwa,” Fai said with a little laugh as he set the file back in the case.

“Fai,” Kurogane groaned. “I thought you didn’t like talking about these things.”

Fai nodded and said, “I appreciate that, Kuro-chan, I really do, but I need to know how much you know about me. I need to know when you start to see somebody different when you look at me.”

“You were a kid,” Kurogane said with a shrug. “Of course you were different then. I know who you are now.”

“I loved him, you know,” Fai said with a sniff. “Even when he hurt me. He took me home, made me pasta with meatballs, brushed my hair for me, and he could be so kind to me sometimes, and he acted like I was his favorite thing in the world. He said he would never leave me, and I don’t think he knew he was hurting me, and I trusted him. I thought he was going to take care of me. And he said he loved me, and I didn’t think anybody could love me, so I would have done anything for him, anything in the world.”

“He got you right after your brother died, didn’t he?” Kurogane asked.

Fai nodded. “He never got to touch Yuui though,” Fai said emphatically. “That’s the only time I was glad Yuui was dead.”

“You were had lost your most important person,” Kurogane said. “Of course you loved him.”

“You don’t understand,” Fai sobbed. “By the time I was nine I would wear whatever he asked me to, pose for his pictures, do anything he wanted, any position, any act, it didn’t matter to me. I always told him I loved him, that what he did felt good to me. And I never said no or resisted or anything. I learned how to imitate pleasure. It was--I was disgusting. I should have resisted. It was my fault really.”

Fai buried his face in his hands and tucked his knees up to his chest. Hesitantly, Kurogane placed a hand of Fai’s knee. He didn’t have words--he didn’t know how to comfort somebody, didn’t know how to do much more than hold Fai and make shushing noises. “You--it wasn’t your choice,” Kurogane managed to say. “You were afraid of being punished.”

“He didn’t punish me,” Fai sobbed. “I just… I assumed it was what I had to do for him to love me. I needed him to love me. And then after I just wanted to forget it, and leave my past in Sweden and never look back, but now I can’t stop thinking about him. I don’t want him in my mind.”

“Come here,” Kurogane suggested, and Fai moved onto his lap, letting Kurogane hold him and stroke his back. He could say he understood, but he didn’t. He couldn’t imagine being so desperate for love, so starved of affection to do anything. He had always cut people off, refused the love he was offered, and when they had first met, fai had been similar. He couldn’t imagine a time when Fai had been different, vulnerable.

“Now we ought to get some sleep Kurogane. I want you to hold me all night.” Fai said, tugging on kurogane’s arm.

Kurogane nodded. “I won’t let go of you,” he said as he helped Fai position himself under the blankets. Fai instantly plastered himself to Kurogane, one leg hooked over Kurogane’s hip, the other between his knees, an arm wrapped around his chest. Fai’s lips surged up to meet him in a kiss that was harsh and desperate, full of need, but not quite sexual.

“Kuro,” Fai whimpered, breaking away, “Kuro-tan I want you to mark me please.”

“You’re sure?” Kurogane asked, his eyes filling with surprise. Fai would stand in front of the mirror, proudly staring at the red-purple-blue marks Kurogane gave him, a happy grin on his face, but Kurogane didn’t understand why he’d want it now.

“I need to know I’m yours,” Fai gasped. “I need it Kuro-pon, I need to know who I belong to. Yours, all yours. Nobody else will get to touch me but you.”

Kurogane didn’t question Fai’s logic--only Fai knew what he needed--and he didn’t bring up the fact that Fai was not, and never would be, his. Fai belonged to nobody, Kurogane simply got to hold him for a few moments. Still, Kurogane pulled Fai in closer to him and sucked bright red marks onto his neck, starting at the base of his jaw. Down his neck and throat--which Fai usually didn’t like to be touched during sex--to his collarbone.

“Bite me,” Fai instructed. “Bite me hard. I need to feel you.” 

“You sure?” Kurogane asked.

“I know what I want,” Fai said. 

Kurogane nodded and sunk his teeth into the spot where Fai’s neck and shoulder connected. Fai arched against him and cried out, gripping his shoulder tightly, the relaxed, limp against him, panting. “You’re mine,” Kurogane whispered, leaving soft kisses and licks over the skin he had bruised. “Mine. All mine. My Fai.”

Fai smiled and practically purred, so Kurogane lifted his hand so he could tangle his fingers through Fai’s hair, then murmured. “So pretty.”

“Yours,” Fai said, pushing himself even closer to Kurogane’s body, if that were possible. “Yours and you’re never going to let me go, or let anybody take me from you.”

“I won’t let than happen,” Kurogane assured him, pulling Fai’s head into his chest. “But I need you to trust me.”

“Of course I trust you Kuro-chan,” Fai said with a laugh.

Kurogane snorted, then said, “You don’t have to tell me everything, but everything I need to know, and most importantly, you can’t go running off. I will keep you safe, but you have to let me.”

Fai’s fingers sunk deeper into Kurogane’s back, and he said, “You know I’m not good at trusting people.”

Kurogane sighed. It wasn’t the promise he wanted, but it wasn’t an empty promise either, which counted for something,

 

In the morning Fai was wearing a  sweater than slipped off his shoulders, and had his hair twisted up in a bun, making the dark red marks on his neck impossible not to notice. Kurogane walked up behind him as Fai rinsed his face and kissed his hair, just above the ear. “You look lovely like this,” Kurogane said, unable to deny the pride he felt when he saw his marks on Fai.

“You like?” Fai asked, baring his neck to Kurogane and smiling up at him through half lidded eyes.

“I do,” Kurogane admitted. “Are you sure you want the kids and everyone seeing that. You have plenty of scarves.”

Fai turned around and wrapped his arms around Kurogane’s neck. “I’m yours, you are mine. I’m happy. Why would I want to hide that?”

Kurogane left a kiss on his lips, then said, “Can’t argue with that.”

  
  


Kurogane

 

It was a Thursday afternoon when Kurogane got the call. His English wasn’t good, but when he heard a man speaking in a Swedish accent, he didn’t really need to understand the words that came next. 

_ Broken parole _

_ Left without a trace _

_ Unable to be located _

Kurogane didn’t know how he made it through that conversation. They needed to discuss the likelihood of Ashura being able to leave the country, what kind of money and connections he had, and how the case was to be handled if Kurogane found him.

“I’ll need more detailed case materials sent to me,” he said. “I have a file, but I’ll need copies of all the evidence used in the initial investigation.”

“Of course,” said the man on the phone. “We may as well send over the materials for the Valeria case as well, since that is his first contact with Mr. Valeria.”

“Valeria?” Kurogane asked, glancing over his file. “I don’t have that name written down. I was under the impression that Fa--Flourite was his only direct victim.”

“My apologies,” the man on the other line said, “I have it written down that Mr. Valeria did legally change his name to Flourite, around the time Mr. Celes was arrested. It was a nasty piece of business, that. They had the paperwork in for the kid to get his name changed to Celes. Nobody thought anything of it, since it was his foster dad, but in the investigation it turned out the kid had an engagement ring and everything. Anyways, last minute he decided to change his name to Flourite instead, apparently. I guess he would’ve come to Japan with that name.”

“Understood,” Kurogane said. “So the Valeria case is separate from Mr. Celes’ arrest?”

“Oh that’s a nasty one,” the man on the line said. “Pretty horrifying case of child abuse. The parents were arrested and one of the boys ended up dead, and nobody could get through to the other one--Fai--for weeks until they got Mr. Celes on the case to talk to him. There are tapes of the interviews. He was so troubled they didn’t know where to place him after that, so Mr. Celes volunteered to take him. The two cases are not directly related but it may help understand the relationship between Mr. Celes and the victim. He was… obsessed. Spent his first five years in prison going on about ‘his little boy.’ I’ll send over his prison records over too. Some of that might be useful. It’ll take some time to translate.”

“Alright,” Kurogane grunted, “but make sure the case records come first. “I want my force familiar with the case before he gets here if he’s coming.”

 

Fai

 

Fai was in his office, trying to build a model out of banana pocky sticks when he heard Kurogane’s heavy footsteps and then a knock on the door.

“Open up Kuro-chii,” Fai said, shoving a pocky stick in his boyfriend’s mouth as Kurogane took a seat opposite him. He knew it was a serious conversation, but hoped he could put off the inevitable for a few moments longer.

“Don’t put that thing in my mouth,” Kurogane spat.

“So you can eat my ass but not a sweet?” Fai asked, twirling his pocky stick in his fingers. 

“I’m not here to talk about that kind of thing,” Kurogane sighed, running his hand through his hair.

“It’s Ashura, isn’t it?” Fai asked, twisting his swivel chair away from Kurogane. 

“Yes,” Kurogane sighed. “Will you look at me please?” Fai groaned, but turned his chair back to look at Kurogane. Kurogane took a deep breath and said, “He’s broken his parole back in Sweden. They can’t track him down. There’s no way to guarantee he’s headed this way--”

“He is,” Fai said firmly. He turned his chair away again and tucked his feet up on the seat. “I know it’s your job to keep all the options open, but you don’t know him. He never touched a child before me, you know. Just sold them. Then he saw me, and he wanted me, even though he knew it would bring him down eventually. I was better at hiding it than he anticipated but still we got caught. He wasn’t a pedophile not really. There was just something about me in particular.”

“It wasn’t you,” Kurogane growled. “Fai, you have to understand that nothing was your fault. He told you all sorts of things so you would blame yourself and not  him, but they weren’t true. He didn’t just take pictures of you. He would get pictures of the other kids he sold off. They found his collection when he was arrested.”

“That’s just pictures,” Fai whispered.

“Just pictures?” Kurogane asked with a harsh laugh. “Would you be saying that if someone had those sorts of pictures of Sakura-chan?”

“I guess not,” Fai said with a shrug. “But I am serious Kuro-tan. He met me, and what he felt for me may not have been love, but it was something. I became his most prized object, and he hated to let me out of his sight. We had a plan for if the worst happened and somebody found out. I was supposed to deny everything to the police and insist he was the perfect dad, and then when he got out, I would be legal, so we could run away and get married. And I wasn’t to touch anybody until he got out, but I’d be faithful and wait for him, and then he’d take care of me again. That was the plan, and I promised time and time again to follow it. But here I am.”

“Well if he comes here we’ll be ready for him,” Kurogane said. “I’ve already called about getting a better security system installed for the house. It may be a little extreme, but at least for now, I think it’s necessary. That’s getting set up next week. And I’m going to brief my force about the case tomorrow and prepare a team. We can’t start a formal investigation until we have evidence he is in our jurisdiction, but since you are a resident of Tomoeda and you have a restraining order, it is our job to make sure he stays away from you. And you’re going to be careful for a little while, at least until we can confirm where he is. You need to stay in more crowded areas, especially at night, and let me know where you plan on going, or somebody else at least if you don’t want me to know. You can tell Yuuko-san, or anyone, as long as someone knows where you are. And you know all those self-defense moves I showed you?”

Fai nodded, so Kurogane took his hand and said, “I keep remembering things.”

“It’s over,” Kurogane said. He’d meant it to be comforting, but clearly it wasn’t.

Fai stood up. “I’ll just go forget about it then,” said and left the room. 

Fai slept on his stomach that night.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Valentines does not go as planned

Kurogane

 

Valentine’s day was Fai’s favorite day of the year. Kurogane had made sure there were plenty of chocolates around the house for Fai and put together breakfast, then sat in his armchair with his newspaper and his tea while Fai patterred around the kitchen. 

“I learned something new,” Fai said. “I read one of Sonomi-san’s women’s magazines, and I read an interesting fact.”

‘Huh,” Kurogane said, setting down his tea cup as his newspaper was pulled out of his hand and he got a lap full of Fai. “What is your fun fact?” Kurogane asked.

Fai glanced around the room before unbuttoning the first few buttons on his pink silk top and pulling it to the side to show a red satin bra. “Apparently red is the color men find most sexually attractive. I’m not surprised. You wear a lot of red, Kuro-pon.”

“You know I think you look best in blue,” Kurogane said, running his fingers over the red satin. “But red… we can have fun with this.”

Fai giggled then picked up a box of sweet hearts. “Do you know what this says?” he asked, pouring a small candy heart into Kurogane’s palm.

“Um,” Kurogane said, looking at the sweet. He hated English. “Be mine?”

“Well of course, Kuro-chan,” Fai said and opened his mouth. Kurogane rolled his eyes and set the sweet down on Fai’s tongue, only to have Fai’s lips close around his fingers and suck gently on his thumb and index finger. Kurogane brought his hand down to rest on Fai’s hip while Fai leaned in to kiss him. Kurogane considered protesting and saying he didn’t like the taste of the sweet, but he made a point of not complaining when Fai was kissing him.

“Gross,” Toya said, appearing at the top of the stairway.

“I’ve seen you in a much more compromising position on this couch,” Fai said, sticking his tongue out at his son. 

“You weren’t supposed to be home,” Toya argued, his ears turning pink.

“You and Yukito-kun have a bedroom with a double bed and a lock,” Fai said with a sigh. “Imagine if it had been young, innocent Sakura chan who came in to see you with your head between Yukito-kun’s th--”

It was Kurogane who clapped his hand over Fai’s mouth to keep Toya from dying of mortification. “Breakfast is warming on the stove,” Kurogane said. “I was waiting for the kids to get up before serving it, but if you need to get to class go ahead and help yourself.”

As he spoke, Kurogane was hit in the face with Fai’s blonde hair as his boyfriend whipped his head over to look at something in the backyard.

“What?” Kurogane asked. 

“Nothing,” Fai said with a laugh. “Thought I saw something in the window, but it was nothing. I’ll start getting breakfast ready if you call for Sakura-chan. You’re scarier so she’s more likely to get up when you tell her to.” Kurogane nodded, but gave Fai a comforting stroke on the arm before he made his way to the stairs. Fai had been even more jumpy than usually. Still, as Kurogane passed the front door, he thought he saw something move. He stepped outside to check, but nothing was out of place.  _ Must be a stray cat,  _ he thought as he went to knock on Sakura’s door. 

Breakfast was over and everyone was washing up when Fai went to get the mail. “Let’s see who got love letters,” he said with a giggle as he walked to the front door.

Fai took his time with the mail, and then he returned to the kitchen to slip a letter into Kurogane’s front pocket. “For when you have a moment,” Fai whispered in his ear.

Kurogane rolled his eyes, expecting a love letter. Fai hadn’t written him one before, but it seemed like the kind of thing Fai would do. The kids went off the school, and Fai went off…  _ somewhere  _ so Kurogane took a moment before leaving for work to sit down and open the letter.

It was not a love letter

At least, it was not a love letter for him. It was a powder blue envelope with Fai’s name written in silver ink, in delicate spidery handwriting. The envelope was already open, and when Kurogane slipped the letter out, he saw three pages of neatly written script in what he could only guess was Swedish. He knew it wasn’t English at least. When he flipped to the last page, he recognized Ashura’s signature from his file. Kurogane made a quick phone call before going to look for Fai.

Fai was in the garage of all places, sitting in the front seat of his car, hugging his legs.

“I need to get to work,” he said when Kurogane sat in the passenger seat. “Unless you’d like to come along Kuro-pon.”

“You’re not going today,” Kurogane commented. “We need a witness statement about this,” he said, indicating the blue envelope. Fai pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes and shook his head. “A few officers are headed over,” Kurogane said. “It was in the mailbox?”

“Shouldn’t take long should it?” Fai asked. 

“Of course not,” Kurogane said, he reached out to put his arm on Fai’s car seat, and Fai curled up against him, as well as he could with the center console in the way. They stayed that way for some minutes before Kurogane’s phone buzzed. “Shibata-san?” he said, picking up his phone. “Are you out front?”

“Yes sir,” officer Shibata said. 

“We’ll be right out,” Kurogane said. As he spoke, he felt Fai disentangle himself and open the car door. 

“I’ll make tea,” Fai said when Kurogane hung up. “How many people are over. Three?”

“Yeah, three,” Kurogane said, his brow furrowed. “If you want, I can get them started, then they’ll need to take your statement. I can’t take your statement, given our relationship, but I can be with you if you want me. If they ask you questions that make you uncomfortable you can ask me if you need to answer them.”

“I know, I know,” Fai said with a laugh. “I’ve spent a lot of time talking to police officers you know, not even counting you. I know how it works.” Fai slipped away from him towards the kitchen while Kurogane made his way out the front door.

“What going on, Chief?” Officer Nakano asked. “You mentioned a stalker.”

“I’ll give you more information at the station,” Kurogane said, glancing over his shoulder to the kitchen. “It puts me in a difficult situation, given my relationship to Fai. Fai received a letter from a past abuser, Ashura Celes, this morning. I alerted you that this situation might arise. We need to determine whether the letter was delivered in person. Either way, it is a violation of a restraining order. I have case materials coming from Sweden, but you’ll get a file when we get back to the station. When I need is for you to take prints off the mailbox and inspect surrounding areas. Officer Shibata, I’d like you to take Fai’s statement. His mental state is stable enough, but I only want basic questions. Don’t get into any history, just what happened today. I have the letter, and it appears Fai left it intact, but we’ll have to send it out to be translated. I’ve contacted a translator already. Nakano, I’d like you to go over the mailbox and surrounding area for evidence. I’ll get in contact with the security company. And then Officer Watanabe, you will stay here after we leave in case out suspect returns. He’s dangerous, and I’d like someone here for the rest of the day, especially since…” Kurogane paused, then continued, “Especially since there are children living here.”

Kurogane tried to ignore the way the other officers’ eyes widened, then reached for his phone to dial the security company’s number. His officers got the message and scattered to their assigned roles. After getting the video footage sent over to the police station, Kurogane went inside where he found Fai inside talking with Officer Shibata.

“Kuro-tan,” Fai cried when Kurogane walked in. “I made a thermos of tea for you. It’s on the counter.”

“Thanks,” Kurogane said, and went to go his tea as he listened in on the conversation.

“Anyways, I knew I should probably hand it over to Kuro-pon right away, but I had to know what it said, you know, so I read it, and it was nothing too bad, so I gave it to him. I didn’t think he’d see it until he got to work, but apparently he opened it early.”

“And you knew it was from Mr. Celes as soon as you saw the handwriting on the front?” Shibata asked. 

“Yes,” Fai said, nodding. “It’s how he always wrote my name.” Fai shifted uncomfortably, then looked up at Kurogane to say, “I think that’s all I know. Do I have to answer anything else.”

“You aren’t required to answer any questions if you don’t want to,” Kurogane said. “Shibata-san, do you have any further questions for him?”

“No, sir,” Shibata said, looking down his list. “I think we know everything about today.”

“I’ll give you a statement later,” Kurogane said. “If Nakano is done, we’ll head back. I want to get that letter faxed.” He glanced down the hall where Fai was pulling on his coat and hat. “You’re going into the office?” Kurogane asked.

“Change of scene might be nice,” Fai said with a laugh. “I’ll be back to make dinner. I had reservations, but I’m guessing you’re going to work late now.”

“I will,” Kurogane said. “Don’t worry about dinner. Order something if you like.”

“I’ll make something nice,” Fai decided, then disappeared into the garage. 

“Right,” Kurogane said, turning back to Shibata. “Let’s check on Nakano and go.”

 

When Kurogane got to the station, everybody was staring at him. Reluctantly, he handed Ashrua’s file over to Suzume to make copies. “There’s a package for you,” she said. “It’s from Sweden.”

“Good,” he said. “That’ll be the case files. Once you have copies of those call everyone together and distribute them.” Kurogane took the box to his office and set it down on his desk. When he got all the tape off, he pulled out several witness statements, police photographs, and financial records, as well as records from the foster system. Each file had an English translation attached. He briefly saw Fai’s medical records, and then an old VHS tape. It had “Fai Valeria” written on the side, and Kurogane could only guess it was a witness statement. 

He glanced up to see most of his force gathered in the conference room, so he set down the box and walked over to the room, setting down the file in front of his chair.

“As some of you may know, I called some officers to my house this morning. My boyfriend Fai has a restraining order, and his abuser, a man named Ashura Celes, violated the restraining order this morning. Ashura is a fugitive from Sweden, and if captured should be returned to Sweden. You have his file, so it should be clear he is a threat. It isn’t yet clear until we get video evidence if he was physically on the property or if he simply had a letter delivered, but either way he has made contact. I’ve contacted a translator, but most of the case materials are in English. Detective Yamada, your English it good, correct?”

Yamada looked up from her file and nodded.

“Good,” Kurogane said. “You’ll be leading the case with me. Clearly there will be limitations to what I can do, due to conflicts of interests. I want everybody familiar with Ashura’s appearance and ready to arrest him on sight, using force if necessary. This becomes even more urgent should he be anywhere near children, such as a park or a school. This is a top priority. Shibata-san, when that video footage comes in, I want you going over it. Yamada-san, you and I are going to go over some case material from Sweden. Nakano, I’d like you to join and consult on the case.”

 

As expected, Kurogane got home late. Syaoran and Sakura were already in bed, but Toya and Yukito were still up, doing their biology coursework. Kurogane wondered what Fai had told them, if anything, to explain the police car parked across the street. Kurogane had sent Watanabe home, but had drawn up a schedule to keep an officer at the house whenever someone was expected to be home, which, given Fai’s tendency to work from home, was almost all the time. 

“I’ll heat of something for you to eat,” Fai said with a cheery smile. “And you can tell me about your day.”

“Toya, let’s go to bed,” Yukito said, glancing over at Fai. Fai whistled and wiggled his eyebrows as the boys retreated downstairs, but sighed in relief as he set a tray down in front of Kurogane.

“It was Ashura who dropped off the letter,” Kurogane said. “So we’ll have the house under surveillance. I also got some case records from Sweden with more detailed information. Transcripts and photographs and stuff like that. There’s still a lot to go over, but we’re making our way through it.”

“The photographs,” Fai said, his voice catching, “They aren’t…”

“There was no reason for those to be sent over,” Kurogane clarified. “That kind of thing is dealt with my specialized teams. It’s enough for us to know it occurred.”

Fai nodded, then lapsed into silence as Kurogane finished eating. “It’s late,” Fai finally said. “I’m going to go get ready for bed. Join me soon.”

“As soon as I’m finished with my dishes,” Kurogane assured him. But once he had his dishes dry he reached up into the cabinet where they kept the liquor and pulled out a bottle of sake. What was supposed to be one cup became three, and then five. Kurogane gripped the counter and stared down at the bottle. He shouldn’t do this, shouldn’t let himself go, but he couldn’t do it. Couldn’t read about a teacher witnessing Fai giving Ashura head in his car in the high school parking lot and pretend it was just any other case, not that man he loved, cherished. Pretend it wasn’t Fai, who had change him, made him feel everything he had blocked out for so long. He couldn’t put on that face, the dispassionate chief of police, and then come home and be everything Fai needed him to be. Safe and steady, compassionate--which Kurogane didn’t do well under normal circumstances--and gentle, and reassuring. He couldn’t tell Fai everything was fine when he was terrified, and something had to give.

But it wasn’t like there was another option was there? They would catch Ashura, and eventually it would be over. Liquor wasn’t going to help, but a little bit wouldn’t impair him. He set the bottle away and cleaned the cup before going up stairs where he pulled off his clothes. Fai had taken over the bathroom, and Kurogane assumed he might want the space to himself, so he went to get ready in the children’s bathroom. When he got back he saw something he did not expect.

Fai was lying on the bed in his red lingerie, gently stroking himself through a red satin thong. Kurogane’s mouth went dry.

“You thought just because you worked late you could get away without celebrating my favorite day?” Fai asked. He rolled onto his stomach to properly show off his backside. 

Under normal circumstances, Kurogane would rip the underwear off and get inside Fai as soon as possible, but these weren’t exactly normal circumstances. He sat on the bed, and reached out to rub Fai’s arm. “You really want to do this?” He asked.

“Something bad happened before,” Fai said. “It doesn’t mean we can’t have fun now.”

He reached up and pushed Kurogane’s chest into the bed and crawled on top of him. “Now I think you’ve been a bad boy. Drinking without me. It had better not affect your performance.” He pulled Kurogane’s shirt off, then shimmied down his body, pulling off his pants. He took his seat back on Kurogane’s lap, but Kurogane reached back up to pull on the waistband of the thong. 

“This is going to get in the way,” Kurogane said, snapping the elastic against Fai’s hip.

“Kuro-horny is very impatient,” Fai said with a giggle, but he rose to his knees anyways, and pulled off the panties, then handed Kurogane the jar of lube.

Everything went well while Kurogane prepped Fai. Fai sunk into his fingers, moaning, and Kurogane was sure it wasn’t an act. He rolled Fai onto his side before pressing into him, gripping him tight. Kurogane couldn’t deny he wanted him desperately, but he also couldn’t shake the feeling of making love to glass. He set a steady rhythm, hips thrusting in and out of Fai until he had him gasping in his arms and clutching at his back.

And there was no warning really. Kurogane didn’t do or say anything different, but he felt Fai’s whole body stiffen, every muscle tense. “No,” Fai sobbed. “No, stop, red.”

“It’s alright,” Kurogane assured him. He had already pulled out and reached for the blanket they kept at the end of the bed. He wrapped Fai in the blanket. “Don’t panic. I’m not touching you, see.” Fai gripped the blanket tightly and shut his eyes tight while Kurogane dressed hurriedly. Fai seemed to be breathing alright, so that was good at least, but Kurogane wasn’t sure what to do. He didn’t want to spook Fai again, but didn’t want to leave him alone. His gut clenched with guilt. He had been  _ enjoying _ himself, and then Fai had been… Fai must have felt so awful. He glanced at the door, but then Fai’s hand darted out from the blanket and grabbed a hold of his. 

“I’m sorry,” Kurogane said promptly.

“No, it’s not your fault,” Fai said, pulling the blanket over his head. “Really, it’s not. I thought I would be okay, and it was, it was good, really good, and then…  _ fuck. _ ”

Kurogane sat back down next to Fai, who moved over to settle his head in Kurogane’s lap. Kurogane could see tears streaking down his cheeks. “It’s just--it’s just not fair,” Fai cried. “I just want to have sex with my boyfriend on Valentine’s day, and that isn’t so much to ask, is it? I just want to not have to think about it, but he gets to come and put a letter in my mailbox and ruin everything. I love Valentine’s day. I wanted today to be a good day, I wanted today to be, special, and now it’s ruined and I’m--I’m--”

“You’re angry,” Kurogane said. Fai never got angry.

“I guess I am,” Fai said wiping his eyes. 

“I’m angry too,” Kurogane said. “I don’t know if that matters…”

“Of course it matters,” Fai said. “I never wanted to bother you with all of this, and I’m sorry…”

“None of that,” Kurogane interrupted him. “It isn’t your fault. You get to be angry, but you don’t get to be sorry, alright?” 

Fai chuckled, but the smile dropped off his face. “It’s silly, you know, but he told me it was my choice, and I always believed that. It was my third night with him, and he’d only been nice to me, so when I had a nightmare I thought it would be alright to come into his room and spend the night in his bed with him, because that’s what you do when you’re a kid. And he said I could sleep with him, but then it got bad. I didn’t even said no, I just stayed quiet and laid still. But after he always reminded me I was the one to come to his bed, like I asked for it... and how could I say no, or say I didn’t want it when I started the whole thing? Anyways, I don’t know why I just said that. I’m sure you don’t want to hear that kind of thing, but it was on my mind.”

Kurogane brushed the hair out of Fai’s face. “He was the adult. It was his job to protect you. No matter what, he should never have touched you.”

Fai nestled his head into Kurogane’s lap and said, “I just--I’m not the person you think I am. You might find that out soon.”

Kurogane grunted and stroked Fai’s hair. “Doesn’t matter,” he said. “I’ll still love you. No matter what. I know I’ll love you.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> -Kurogane goes through some evidence and learns more about Fai's past

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Have some angst. Merry Christmas

Kurogane and his small team had made it through everything in the box of evidence, everything except for the VHS tape. It felt like an intrusion, but evidence was evidence, and in any other case Kurogane would probably have gone for the victim’s testimony first. He wished it had been a written record. Why had they taped it? He knew of course. They hadn’t wanted Fai to have to appear in court, and Kurogane was grateful for that really, but he wasn’t sure he wanted to  _ see.  _

He knew how it had all played out. Ashura had taken Fai to school late, forced him to perform oral sex in the car before sending him off, and a teacher had witnessed it as she went back to her car for her purse. Police had been dispatched to Ashura’s home, where they had unearthed a collection of child pornography, meanwhile Fai had been taken out of school. Ashura’s funds had all been transferred, and could not be tracked down, but Ashura was caught at the Norwegian border, headed for the coast. From there, they had looked over the paper trail, learned about the other kids he had placed, and it had all come together.

Fai’s statement hadn’t revealed anything new, but now they needed to understand Ashura, and they needed to understand his relationship with Fai more than anything. They needed to know how far he would go, because so far there didn’t seem to be any limit.

Officer Nakano pushed the tape in, and a grainy image appeared. Kurogane sucked in a breath when he recognized Fai as a teenager, fifteen years old, wearing a school uniform. He did look young for his age, so young, and too thin. His hair was cut just below his chin, and he was wearing that smile Kurogane recognized so well. Kurogane thought Fai might smile if the world was ending, mildly looking about, as if imminent disaster was simply a pleasant curiosity.

“Fai,” a man across from him said, “do you know why you’re here?” He spoke in Swedish, but the video was subtitled, so Kurogane could follow along well enough.

“You have some questions for me, don’t you?” Fai said, still smiling. 

“Can you talk to me about Ashura?” the man said. “I promise, whatever you say, you won’t get in trouble. Even if you broke the rules, it’s okay. You won’t be punished.”

“Is Ashura okay?” Fai asked, a look of concern on his face. “He’s not hurt is he? Can I see him?”

“We don’t know where he is,” the man said. “He’s gone because, well because a teacher saw the two of you together this morning.”

“Why shouldn’t we be together?” Fai said, showing no sign of distress. “He takes care of me.”

“Why don’t you tell me what exactly happened this morning,” the man said slowly.

“I woke up,” Fai said. “And I wasn’t feeling my best. Ashura called the school and he decided I could come to school a little late. He made me breakfast--pancakes--and drove me to school. We talked in the car for a while, and then I went to school. That’s all.”

“Did you--did he kiss you?” the man asked.

“Of course!” Fai said cheerily. “He always kisses me good-bye. Because he loves me lots.”

“Did he ask you to do anything else for him?” the man asked. “Kiss him, or touch him anywhere else?”

“I don’t think so,” Fai said with a shrug. “He just told me to study hard and have a good day, like normal.”

“A teacher reported that you seemed to put your… you had your head between his legs,” the man said, shifting uncomfortable.

Fai just giggled. “Oh that? There’s no need to fuss about that. I was feeling a little sad, so I wanted to put my head on his lap. He petted my hair a little to make me feel better. Sometimes I get worked up about silly things, and it helps when he does that.”

“Fai,” the man said. “I’ve known you for a while. I was there when we took you from your parents’ home. I know you kept everything secret then, but it’s very important to talk about things now. I know you’re good at hiding things like this.”

“There’s nothing to hide,” Fai said, and laughed again. “Ashura loves me and takes care of me. You know him, Axel, you worked for him. I don’t know why you’re getting so suspicious all of a sudden.”

“Fai,” the man--Axel--said with an exhale. “We searched your home. We found lots of incriminating evidence, including photographs of the two of you.”

“Why shouldn’t we have photographs?” Fai asked, smiling wider, but Kurogane could tell the smile was cracking.

“Fai, the way he was touching you was very inappropriate. In some of those pictures you looked as young as eight,” Axel sighed.

“We only do that because we love each other,” Fai said. “He never does things I don’t want. I chose to do all those things with him. It’s just another way of showing we love each other.”

“It’s illegal,” Axel said. “You need to tell me what happened.”

“I thought you had pictures,” Fai said, and now there was an edge to his voice. 

“For God’s sake Fai,” Axel said, the irritation clear now. “The last time you kept quiet about this kind of thing Yuui died. If you had just spoken up, your brother would be alive.”

The effect is words had on Fai was immediate. Fai’s face fractured, and he pulled his arms tight around himself. “It’s different,” Fai said quickly. “It’s only me this time. It doesn’t matter, because it’s only me.”

“But you know it’s wrong, don’t you?” Axel said, leaning forward. Fai shrugged. “Did you ever think what his job was?” Axel asked. “Did you ever think of the access he has to other kids. How easily he could harm them. If he hurt someone else, and nobody knew just because you didn’t say anything… Are you really sure it’s not so bad?”

Fai sucked in a deep breath, then said, “I hate it. I hate all of it. I tell him I like it, and it’s okay, but I hate it, and I just want it all to stop, but I-I can’t… nobody’s ever going to love me like he does. If that’s all it takes to make him happy, to make him love me, then it’s okay, really it’s okay, I don’t mind.”

“Fai,” Axel said, “What if I told you that you would never have to see him again?”

Fai shook his head vigorously, “I need him. He loves me. He’s the only one who loves me, the only one who will ever love me. I can’t live without him.”

“Fai,” Axel said with a smile. “You’re a bright boy. You’re set to go to University early. If you just socialized a little more, your peers would like you, and I’m sure you’ll find a girl who admires you. You’ll find love one day. If Ashura loved you, he wouldn’t have hurt you like that. He’s going away for a long time, but you can move on with your life and start over. You don’t have to see him, or talk to him, or even think about him. He’s gone. It’s all over now.”

“It’s over,” Fai said slowly. 

“Yes,” Axel said. “Over.”

“Was it… was it my fault?” Fai asked.

“No,” Axel said. “No it wasn’t. Now, can you confirm a few thing for me? This all started when you were eight years old? After you came to live with Ashura?”

Kurogane barely took in anymore of the tape. It was like buzzing in his ears. He knew, he  _ knew _ Fai had been conditioned, but knowing wasn’t the same as seeing, no matter how many times Fai told him. When the tape clicked off, he felt the others staring at me.

“Yuui,” officer Yamada said. “Who--”

“Find something useful to do,” was all Kurogane managed to say, and he practically ran to his office, head spinning. He collapsed in his chair and reached for the phone, but paused. He couldn’t call Fai. Who else was there? Soma? But he didn’t want to go over the particulars of the case, and Soma didn’t comfort people. Was it comfort he wanted? No, he was a grown man, head of a police force, father to a teenager, he did  _ not  _ need to be coddled. But advice, advice would be okay.

_ Just some advice _ , he told himself as he reached for the phone. She picked up on the second ring. “Mother,” he said before she had a chance to ask.

“Kurogane,” she said. “This is a surprise. You never call. How are you? How’s Syaoran-kun? Is Fai well?”

“Mother,” Kurogane said, his voice shaking embarrassingly, “There’s something happening. There’s something happening and I don’t know what to do.”

 

It wouldn’t help anything, but Kurogane read over the letter again. It had been typed up in Japanese, no longer in Ashura’s spidery script. Most of it was various love declarations, promises to be better this time, gentler, kinder. 

But near the end, there was the part that involved Kurogane.  _ I admit to being angry when I learned you had found somebody else, but I know you are not disposed to being alone. I know all those men who touched you treated you so badly, I am glad that this man at least has taken care of you. I can’t begrudge you that small comfort. But you know it isn’t real, Fai. He doesn’t know who you are. He doesn’t know what you did. I’m the only one who can love you despite that.  _

Kurogane tucked the letter back in its file and bit his lip. He’d managed to pass it off among the other officers, implied he already knew and it wasn’t important. He could expect files on Yuui’s death and Fai’s parents’ subsequent arrest any day now, and he guessed the secret would be in there somewhere. He wasn’t concerned much with what it was. He knew it wouldn’t make him hate Fai, not if he’d done something stupid to endanger his brother when he was eight. Kids did dumb things all the time, and usually things turned out fine, but sometimes it all went wrong.

_ “The last time you kept quiet about this kind of thing, Yuui died. If you had just spoken up, your brother would be alive,”  _ Kurogane gritted his teeth as he remembered that social worker--Axel’s--words. It wasn’t how you were supposed to treat a witness, certainly not a child, and it came down to lazy police work. From the way Fai talked about things, Kurogane knew that he and his brother had been abused, and he could only guess that Fai had been conditioned to take the blame for his brother’s death. He would think it was his fault, even if all he did was something as simple as keeping quiet and letting it happen.  _ He doesn’t know who you are.  _ It was clear what Ashura was trying to do. He wanted to isolate Fai, to make him believe he had no support, make him hopeless and afraid. Because when Fai was afraid he would run, and if Fai ran, Kurogane didn’t know if he could protect him.

The question really was if Fai would take the bait. Kurogane could tell him time and time again, that yes, he did know who Fai was, and that his past didn’t matter, but he knew whatever secret Fai had kept so long ago, he was convinced it would drive Kurogane away.

Fai still had secrets, and for the most part Kurogane adopted a policy of letting Fai’s secrets be. Fai had a locked box in the crawlspace, there had been a tattoo on his back that was lasered off,  once a month he said he was going to the office and took the train to Tokyo instead. He kept a bottle of vitamin C pills in the bathroom, but it was full of a prescription medication Fai picked up after returning from Tokyo. Kurogane didn’t look up the name of the drug on the bottle in the trash because it had Fai’s name, and Fai’s health was his and if he didn’t trust Kurogane, there was nothing he could do about that, and so long as Fai wasn’t on drugs, Kurogane figured it wasn’t his business until Fai wanted it to be. 

But now he thought he was going to need to unearth Fai’s most closely kept secret. He had thought Fai would understand, after everything he had already learned, learned about and not cared, that there was nothing he could do to drive Kurogane away, but secrets were second nature to Fai. Fai trusted a good lie far more than the truth.

As Fai’s mind raced, his phone buzzed on the desk next to him.

“Suwa,” he said, pressing the accept button without paying attention.

“Flourite,” came a familiar voice on the other side. “You sound so serious. Nothing bad happened, I hope.”

“No,” Kurogane said, as gently as he could manage. “Did you need anything?”

“I just wanted to know if I should make dinner for you,” Fai said with a laugh. “We’re just making okonomiyaki. And Toya isn’t around, so Syaoran-kun might actually get to flip this time.”

“I’ll be home,” Kurogane said with a soft smile. “And Fai--” he paused, then said, “I called my mother. I didn’t tell her everything, but she said anything you need, anything at all, both of my parents will be there. You’re family, you know.”

Fai paused, then said, “that’s very nice of her. But I wouldn’t want to drag anybody else into all of this.”

“Alright,” Kurogane said. “I’ll see you soon.”

Kurogane checked his watch. He probably had time to stop by a bar before Fai finished dinner. Fai didn’t need to worry about him drinking too.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fai comes home to a surprise--and not the nice kind

Fai

 

Fai whistled as he walked along, hands deep in his pockets. The walk home from work was long, but he hadn’t wanted to take the crowded train. He should have just taken his car, but he thought he would be fine, until he felt the overwhelming crush of bodies against him. There were too many people for him to see everyone, know who was touching him and where and when. He didn’t mind being pressed up against strangers, he just worried if one of them wasn’t a stranger. He had barely made it to his office before locking himself in, crawling under his desk, and letting the panic attack wash over him.

Kurogane would scold him if he knew, say it was safer to travel in public places, but the sun was out, and the cold was turning Fai’s nose and cheeks a nice shade of pink, and this felt much better. Fai smiled as he walked along until he saw a familiar ball or orange fur on the sidewalk. 

“Kero!” he said with a laugh, scooping up the cat. “What are you doing out here? Did Kuro-woofy leave a window open?” 

His laugh died in a moment, however, when he saw the front door was open. With a gasp, Fai shifted Kero onto his shoulder and pulled out his phone. He dialled Kurogane’s work phone--the emergency-only number--and a moment later his boyfriend was on the other line. “Fai?” Kurogane asked. “Is this important?”

“Somebody’s been in our house,” Fai said, the words tumbling off his lips. “I just got back, and the front door is open, and I swear I locked up, and Kero is out, and…”

“Don’t go inside,” Kurogane said, and Fai could hear movement and muttering on the other side. “Stay where you are, or go to a neighbor’s house, somewhere safe. It won’t take me a minute to get there. We’ll be right over. Just stay on the phone.”

“Kuro-rin,” Fai started to say, but he caught a glimpse of the front hall and his voice trailed off. There were small pieces of paper on the floor, trailing up the stairs. Fai could hear Kurogane calling to him through the phone, but Fai ignored him and walked inside, reaching for one of the papers. As he got closer, his stomach dropped out when he realized they were photographs. 

Fai shut the phone off and quickly started gathering the pictures, all the ones in the hall and the stairs, then sprinted to the office where he stuffed them in the shredder. The trail led upstairs, and Fai had gathered them all and made it to the bedroom where he stopped dead and dropped his armful of photos.

 

Fai didn’t process anything other than the buzzing in his brain until he heard his name being called and Kurogane’s heavy boots on the stairs. Kero was yowling next to him. He was hardly breathing.

“Thank God you’re safe,” Kurogane said, coming up behind him. “Don’t scare me like that again.”

“Kurogane,” Fai breathed. “Don’t look.”

“It’s okay Fai,” Kurogane said, his voice soothing, but not soothing enough. Fai pushed past him and ran to the bathroom where he emptied the contents of his stomach into the toilet. There were fingers in his hair, then rubbing his back in circles. Fai shuddered, his hands gripping the toilet. The bed had been scattered in more pictures. The ones in the hall had been more or less innocent--Fai in Ashura’s lap, Ashura kissing his cheek, they might have looked like a happy family. But the ones he’d left in the bedroom-- the ones he’d taped to the wall over the headboard--those made it quite clear. Ashura owned him, always had.

“It means ‘mine’” Fai said when he had finished dry heaving into the toilet. “What he wrote on the wall. It means ‘mine.’”

“You aren’t his,” Kurogane murmured.

Fai shook his head, and his breath started to come in shortened gasps, so Kurogane gently guided him to his feet and walked him out of the bathroom, standing between Fai and the bedroom wall. One officer was placing the photos in a plastic bag, while another took photos. 

“I need to calm him down,” Kurogane said. “Has anyone searched the house?”

“The upper floor is clear,” Yamada said. “I sent Shibata to check downstairs.”

“Thank you,” Kurogane said, and guided Fai out of their bedroom and into Sakura’s room across the hall. He sat on the bed, and Fai crawled next to him, laying his legs over Kurogane’s lap and leaning into his shoulder. He gripped Kurogane around the neck tightly as he tried to even out his breath. “I told you to stay outside,” Kurogane reprimanded when Fai had calmed down a little.

“It’s not nice to say ‘I told you so’, Kuro-chan,” Fai said with a shaky laugh.

“You saw something that made you go in,” Kurogane said. The hall had looked normal, but Fai wouldn’t have gone in unless he had a reason. “Did you see him?”

Fai shook his head. “No,” Fai said quickly. “I saw… there were more pictures downstairs. They lead to the bedroom. Like some Hansel and Gretel shit.”

“What did you do with them?” Kurogane asked, rubbing Fai’s back lightly. 

“Shredder,” Fai mumbled. “No point really. The worst are up here.”

“It doesn’t matter to me,” Kurogane said. “You have to know that.”

Fai nodded, but said, “It doesn’t change… I never wanted you to see me that way.”

“I know,” Kurogane sighed. “I wish none of this was happening to you.”

“Kurogane,” Fai said. “He was in the house. Sakura-chan could have been here. Or Syaoran-kun. He liked me when I was Syaoran-kun’s age. If one of them got hurt because I--”

“They’re at school,” Kurogane said. “We can call the school to make sure they’re okay. I’m going to make sure someone is at the house, and I’ll talk to the kids about staying safe. They know something is going on, but they should probably know more.”

Fai nodded against Kurogane’s shoulder.

“I don’t want anybody to get hurt because they were involved with me,” he whispered. “When I adopted them, I didn’t think… I should have thought.”

“You’ve given them a good life,” Kurogane assured him. “We’ll keep them safe.”

“Kuro-tan,” Fai said. “I don’t care if I get hurt, I just don’t want it to happen to them. If you have a choice between protecting me or one of the kids--Toya and Yukito too--promise you’ll choose them. Promise me.”

“I--” Kurogane started to say, but his voice choked. “I wouldn’t choose,” he said firmly. “I’d make sure neither of them got hurt.”

“But you’d take care of them first,” Fai said. “I lived through all that. I could live through it again if I needed to. I never want them to know what it’s like. That would break my heart more. Please, promise.”

“Yes,” Kurogane said, his voice dry. “Yes, I promise you.”

They were interrupted by a knock on the door, and Officer Yamada came in. “The house is clear, sir,” she said. 

“Good,” he said. “Bag up the contents of the paper shredder in the downstairs office as well. There are more photographs there.”

“Are… are you coming back to the station?” She asked. 

Kurogane glanced down at Fai, who nodded at him. “Yes,” Kurogane said. “I think it’s best if Fai gives a statement here first.”

“Do you want me to…” Yamada asked. In response, Fai disentangled himself from Kurogane and gestured to Sakura’s desk chair. He did squeeze Kurogane’s hand to make sure he didn’t leave, but Kurogane had no intention of leaving Fai any time soon.

 

By the time Kurogane got home that night, everyone was in bed. Fai had decided to sleep in the guest bedroom until they could clean up the bedroom a bit, so Kurogane went to join him.

Fai sat up as soon as Kurogane entered the room, but didn’t say anything until they were in bed together, Kurogane’s arm wrapped around his shoulders. Fai rubbed circles on Kurogane’s stomach. “What are you thinking?” Kurogane murmured. He worried when Fai got this quiet.

“I don’t want to have sex,” Fai said bluntly.

“I--I wasn’t expecting you to,” Kurogane said. “I don’t want to either. Not for a little while at least.”

Fai made a humming noise. “Do you think we’ll ever have sex again like normal? On Valentine’s day--when we tried--I couldn’t close my eyes. I couldn’t… couldn’t let you touch me without thinking of him. And you’ll probably always see me like I was in those pictures and you won’t want me anyways.”

“I--” Kurogane said. He didn’t know how to say that he did still want Fai. Seeing Fai being used like that so young, it had caused only disgust in him, and he knew that now Fai was an adult and capable of consenting, enthusiastically at that. But he couldn’t shake the feeling that when he saw Fai’s body and was filled with desire that he was no different from Ashura. It didn’t make sense. He knew that if Fai were a child, he wouldn’t even think to touch him, that he had never done anything to hurt Fai, that he  _ loved  _ Fai, but Ashura had said he loved Fai too. “I don’t know,” Kurogane admitted. “I hope things get back to normal, but if you never want me to touch you like that again, then I won’t.”

Fai didn’t say anything, but Kurogane could feel the wetness of Fai’s tears on his chest. “I hope so too,” Fa whispered. “I like sex you know.”

“I know,” Kurogane said with a laugh. 


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurogane learns Fai's deepest secret

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Twin drama  
> -there's some pretty rough child abuse here

The files on the Valeria case came a few days after, along with Ashura’s prison records. Kurogane had almost forgotten about that, but he wouldn’t complain about more evidence. They had caught Ashura on camera twice now, but despite that they were no closer to finding him. Border patrol had no idea how he had gotten into the country, but Kurogane knew it would have required money and connections. Ashura’s money had disappeared when he was arrested, no doubt for safekeeping, and police at the time had lost the paper trail. Kurogane could only guess that one of his contacts through his child pornography and trafficking operation must be helping him, but Kurogane didn’t know who or where. Even if someone in Sweden was helping him, he would need a local contact. Besides, what little they knew of Ashura’s operation, the photographs had been distributed outside the country, and some children, rather than being put in foster homes had simply had their information sold to make it easier to be abducted. Foster children were already vulnerable to such things, and nobody had suspected inside cooperation at the time.

But the Valeria case was different. That was the secret Fai kept wrapped closely to his chest. Kurogane sat in the conference room with Yamada going over the files. 

Yuui and Fai had always had a tendency to get injured, but when Yuui showed up to school with an untreated broken arm, child services had first gotten involved. Axel had been the one to talk to Fai the first time. They had interviewed the boys, but as neither one admitted to any abuse, and Yuui insisted he broke his arm while playing with his brother, so they had gone home to their parents.

That night the local police had received a call, heard Fai asking for help, and screaming in the background. The call had been cut off with one of Fai’s screams, and the police had arrived to find one boy dead, his father still beating his dead body, while the mother tried to pull Fai away from his brother. 

“When did the abuse start?” Yamada asked, looking over Yuui’s medical records. He had come to the hospital with fractured ribs when he was an infant, his parents claiming he rolled off the couch. 

“I don’t know,” Kurogane admitted.

“But you’re…” she started to say.

“Fai won’t talk about these things,” Kurogane said in explanation. “He’s only mentioned his brother a handful of times. I knew his parents mistreated him, but I didn’t know… I suspected after I saw the other video, but I didn’t want to think they killed their own son.”

Yamada looked like she was trying to say something, but was holding herself back, so Kurogane sighed and said, “I put you on this case to keep my personal relationship from interfering with catching Ashura. If you have an observation, you should share it. It’s quite possible I have blind spots. And you are the best detective we have.” Her eyes lit up, but Kurogane felt the need not to praise her too much. “Mind, you’re only the best detective in Tomoeda. Don’t let that get to your head.”

“In the letter, Ashura said ‘I know what you did’,” she said. “As if he was the only one who knew. At that point you knew about the sexual abuse, so it wouldn’t make sense for him to be referring to that.”

Kurogane grunted and leaned back in his seat. “It’s possible Ashura didn’t think Fai would have told me,” he said. “If he thought I had no idea, he may have been referring to that. But Fai can be secretive, especially when it comes to his brother. I believe Ashura knows something about Fai that I don’t and is using that knowledge to intimidate him. He always made Fai dependent on him, and him alone. You saw how he wrote ‘mine’ on the bedroom wall. The pictures--he’s trying to take away Fai’s support, make him believe he’s alone. He may even believe Fai will come back to him willingly.”

“He wouldn’t, would he?” Yamada asked.

“Not unless he thought it was what he had to do to protect his family,” Kurogane said. “Ashura being in the house, where the kids are, that shook Fai up. He came during the school day, but he could just as easily have come when Fai and I were out of the house. We have an 24/7 watch on the house now, and the kids are more aware, but that’s Fai’s most vulnerable spot. Ashura may try to come after me, but I think he knows that wouldn’t end well for him. He’s accustomed to taking advantage of vulnerable children. And he knows Fai very well, or at least he thinks he does. He knows who Fai was when he was fifteen and doesn’t think Fai could have changed. But he’s doing his best to put Fai back in that time of his life.”

It felt like a violation to talk about Fai this way, Fai who was so private, but Kurogane needed to find Ashura. Even if it came at the cost of his relationship with Fai, he would remove the threat. It was what he was born to do.

“Ashura was called in to talk to Fai a several days after Yuui’s death,” Yamada said, returning to the file.

“He was known for his ability to get through to kids,” Kurogane said with a scowl. “So they called him from Stockholm to interview Fai.”

“There’s a tape,” Yamada said, looking at the VHS tape in the box of evidence. “It has Fai and Ashura together on it.”

“I know,” Kurogane said. 

“Sir,” Yamada said. “If a witness is hiding something and an abuser is using it to manipulate him emotionally, it is our job to try and find out what leverage he would have.”

“I know,” Kurogane said with a sigh. “Put the thing in.”

Once again, Kurogane was faced with a fuzzy image of Fai, this time even younger. He was eight years old, but he looked so much younger. He was wearing a hospital gown, and his arms were covered in bruises and bandages. His right arm was in a cast. Just from seeing his arms, Kurogane could tell he was malnourished, and not just from a few days of not eating. That was a lifetime of not having enough. Fai had little color in his face, and his hair--as long as his back--hung limply over his shoulders.

A dark haired man sat across from him. “Thank you so much for giving us a moment alone,” Ashura said, smiling towards the camera. “I do think Fai will be more comfortable this way.” Kurogane heard footsteps and a door closing, then Ashura turned back to Fai. Ashura took out a bag and smiled as he spread out a handful of snack, and juice boxes in front of Fai. “Take what you like. The nurses tell me you haven’t been eating enough. If you have a favorite food I can bring it for you.” Fai didn’t take anything, didn’t look at Ashura until the man said, “it’s for you. All yours, I don’t want any. You won’t get in trouble.”

Without making eye contact, Fai grabbed a juice pack and shoved the straw into it, taking gentle sips. “I brought something else for you,” Ashura said. “The police let me get it from your house.” He reached into his bag and pulled out a blue blanket, which he laid on the table across from Fai. “This is yours, isn’t it? It says your name right there. ‘ _ Fai.’  _ You’ve probably had that since you were a baby.”

Fai reached out to put his fingers in the soft blanket, then said something inaudible.

“What was that?” Ashura asked. 

“His,” Fai said. 

“No, it’s yours,” Ashura said with a laugh. “Your name is right there.”

“His,” Fai repeated, looking up at Ashura.

“You want your brother’s also?” Ashura asked. When Fai nodded, Ashura said, “I think we can get you that. But you should hold on to that. It’s something you and your brother had in common.” Fai pulled the blanket into his chest, and brought a corner of it into his mouth, where he closed his eyes and buried his face in the blue fabric. 

“You haven’t said anything for a few days, have you?” Ashura said. “Did your parents tell you not to talk to police.” When Fai nodded, Ashura said, “I’m not a policeman Fai. It’s okay. You can tell me anything.”

“Are you are social worker?” Fai asked.

“Yes,” Ashura said. Fai shook his head and chewed on the edge of his blanket. “So you’ve been told not to talk to me either,” Ashura said. “That’s okay. You’re a good boy for doing what your parents asked you to. Listening to your Mama and Papa is a good thing, but they aren’t always right. Your parents, they did some bad things. You know that. And from now on, they aren’t going to be your Mama and Papa anymore. You’ll get new parents, who are going to take better care of you. So you don’t need to listen to what your parents told you. They’ve gone somewhere else, and you’re not going to see them. They can’t ever punish you or hurt you again.”

“Did they go where Yuui went?” Fai asked.

“No, not there. Yuui went somewhere that very good people go. The place your parents went is for bad people,” Ashura told him. 

“I’m bad,” Fai whispered.

“No you’re not,” Ashura said. “Even if you’ve done a few bad things, but you aren’t a bad person. You called the police for help, and that was a very good thing to do. You wanted to help your brother, so you did something brave. I think you’re a very good person. You just saw something bad.”

“It was my fault,” Fai whispered.

“I don’t think it was,” Ashura said. “But I think you should tell someone what happened. I think if you explain everything to me then I can help you understand that it wasn’t your fault. But first I need to know what happened to you and your brother.”

Fai squirmed around in his seat, clutching the blanket close to him, but he said, “they were mad. Because--because we weren’t supposed to tell, and we didn’t, but we couldn’t think of a good story, so we got them in trouble.”

“What weren’t you supposed to tell about?” Ashura asked.

“Yuui’s arm,” Fai said quietly. “We--we’re good at thinking of stories, and we told the nurse Yuui got hurt when he tripped, but she said that was the wrong kind of break, and we were lying, and  _ I didn’t know _ bones could break in more ways than one.”

“How did Yuui really break his arm?” Ashura asked.

“He--he tried to run away from Mama when she was going to hit him. He knew it was wrong, and he shouldn’t have done it, but she grabbed his arm while he turned and ran and it hurt so bad.”

“You were there?” Ashura asked. Fai nodded. “And your arm,” Ashura said. “How did that break.”

“Don’t remember,” Fai said with a shrug. “I just remember Yuui was hurting, and I couldn’t get them to stop, and they hurt me a lot, and then Yuui stopped fighting back, and I knew--” Fai stopped to let out a deep sob. Ashura opened another juice pack and inserted the straw for him before pushing the juice across the table. Fai took the straw in his mouth and drank quickly, then bit down on his blanket until his tears stopped. 

“And when the teacher asked you about Yuui’s arm, you didn’t want to get in trouble, did you?” Ashura said kindly. Fai shook his head. “I understand why you did that,” Ashura said with a sigh. “But you have to understand, if you had told the truth, your brother might still be alive today.” Fai froze up in shock, so Ashura continued, “You’re not in trouble, but you need to understand how important it is to tell the truth. People can get hurt when you lie.”

Fai dropped his juice box, letting it spill over the table while he began to hyperventilate. “It’s my fault,” he cried. “I told you, it’s my fault.”

“You didn’t know then,” Ashura said. “You were doing what your parents told you to do, and like I said, that’s a good thing to do. But this time I need you to tell me the truth. I need you to tell me everything that happened that night, as well as you remember it.”

Fai nodded, then said, “after the hospital, they took us home and put us in the basement. It’s cold there, but we were together. Sometimes they made me stay in the basement, and him was in the attic when we were in big trouble and needed to be separated. But Mama left us there to wait until Papa got home, and then they shouted for a while. Papa came downstairs and he took Yuui. He shut the door but forgot to lock it, so when I heard Yuui screaming I went upstairs. Papa was using his belt on him, and he had started to bleed, and he looked like it had hurt so much. They lady at the hospital had given me a phone number and told me to call if I needed to, and I knew it was bad, but I wanted Yuui to stop hurting so I went to the kitchen to call her. Mama caught me while I was on the phone and dragged me into the living room also. Yuui had stopped moving. I tried to go to him, but they held me back and hit me. His head was bleeding where it had hit the fireplace, and he wouldn’t open his eyes. After that they was a lot of screaming, and it hurt a lot, and then people came in. Mama and Papa finally let me go so I went to Yuui, but I couldn’t do anything. I couldn’t--” Fai’s voice cut out into a choke. “He’s dead, isn’t he? That’s what it means when the doctors don’t even try to help. It means he’s not coming back.”

“No,” Ashura said softly. “He’s not coming back. But you did a very good job. Telling me all those things, it was very brave. I’m sure Yuui can rest easier now.”

The tape cut off with the image of Fai’s tiny form, slumped forward over the table, sobbing.

Yamada walked over to remove the tape and turn off the television while Kurogane sat there in shock. He had known it was bad, but this… Still, a part of him said this wasn’t what Fai was hiding. There was something else. “Rewind it,” he said, his voice dry. “Go back to the part about Yuui’s arm.” She did as he asked, and Kurogane was able to focus in on Fai again.

_I didn’t know_ _bones could break in more ways than one…_ Kurogane was brought back to the x-ray of Fai’s arm, broken four times before puberty. Two of them were spiral fractures, just like Fai described. _He tried to run away from Mama when she was going to hit him. He knew it was wrong, and he shouldn’t have done it, but she grabbed his arm while he turned and ran and it hurt so bad._ Fai had never blamed his brother for anything. He was convinced that his brother was “the good one” and he would never say his brother had done something wrong. _It hurt so bad._ That went beyond empathy. That was personal experience.

“Given the lengths the boys went to to keep the abuse hidden, it’s not surprising that Fai blames himself for his brother’s death,” Kurogane said, offering some sort of explanation to why he needed to see that scene again. “We’d better take a look through the rest of these files.”

While Yamada removed the tape, Kurogane pulled Yuui Valeria’s autopsy report out of the box. He glanced over the catalogue of injuries, and saw with a sinking feeling that the doctor had noted a compound fracture on Yuui’s left arm. The Yuui buried in Sweden was not the Yuui who went to the hospital after school, and Kurogane could only think of a few explanations.

He set the file back. So now he knew who Fai really was.

Kurogane woke up one morning to the feeling of Fai’s eyes staring straight through him. If it was Fai. Kurogane hadn’t thought of a way to bring things up to his boyfriend.  _ “Hey, I think either you’ve been impersonating your dead brother for most of your life, or at the very least you impersonated him for a brief period of time when you had to go to the hospital”  _ just seemed a little abrupt, but there wasn’t exactly a gentle way of saying it. He had a good idea that Fai had taken his brother’s identity, and he could live with that knowledge, but what he didn’t understand was why. And he needed to know why.

“You’re thinking about a lot,” Fai said, running his fingers over Kurogane’s chest.

“Thinking about you,” Kurogane said with a smile. “I don’t care where you came from, or what you did, I just care about you now.”

Fai laughed, tucking his chin in towards his chest. “You’re feeling quite romantic aren’t you?” He traced his fingers over Kurogane’s chest. “Kuro-tan… I need you to promise me something.”

“Hmm?” Kurogane asked taking Fai’s hand and kissing his fingers.

“If something happens to me, please watch after the kids. Toya is old enough to take care of Sakura, but he would need to know he can’t do everything on his own, and I wouldn’t want him to leave school. He still needs help, and so does Yukito. And I want Sakura to always have lots of people who love her. You have your parents, and of course I’d still be there for Syaoran, but if I go, they won’t have anybody. I don’t want them to feel alone. I want them to know that there’s someone--an adult--who will love them and take care of them no matter what. I’ve tried to be that for them, but if--”

“Nothing is going to happen to you,” Kurogane said.

“I could get hit by a bus, or get cancer or get mugged, or  _ anything.  _ We both could. I need to know the children are taken care of. Just promise me, please.”

“Of course,” Kurogane said, his voice choking. “You know I love them too. You don’t even have to ask it of me. But they don’t just need somebody--they need you.”

“I need you too Kuro-pon,” Fai whispered and leaned in to meet Kurogane’s lips. Kurogane new instantly that Fai wanted to take this somewhere, and he didn’t know how he felt about that. He wanted that closeness, but the way Fai had been talking, it felt like good-bye. Still, Kurogane laid back and let Fai take him in his mouth, because he never knew how long he had with Fai, and he would fight his hardest to keep him by his side, but if Fai was done with him, he was going to feel every moment of it. Because he was learning everything Fai had never wanted him to know, and he knew it could tear them apart and drive Fai away. So he lost himself in the warm sensation of Fai’s mouth around his cock, taking him so deep, and then hollowing out his cheeks to suck Kurogane gently. Fai took his time, giving lazy head, and Kurogane did his best to make it last. At some point Fai got a few fingers in him and started massaging his prostate, causing Kurogane to come undone under his touch. Soon Kurogane was gasping and moaning until he came, spilling down Fai’s throat.

Instead of coming up for his kiss, Fai stayed with his head on Kurogane’s lap, nuzzling into his thigh. “You’re so perfect Kuro-sama,” he sighed. “I don’t know how I got lucky enough to find somebody like you.”

“You’re crying,” Kurogane commented, reaching up to brush away Fai’s tears.

“I wanted to feel close to you,” Fai said. “I just took you a little too deep I guess.” That was a lie. Fai had given Kurogane head in just about every possible position and never shed so much as a tear, but Kurogane let the lie go. Fai probably needed it just then. Fai laid his head on Kurogane’s chest, and Kurogane knew he didn’t need anything sexual, so he just threaded through Fai’s hair.

“What did I do to deserve you?” Fai asked.

“You stuck your damn head in my car,” Kurogane said. 

Fai snuggled his face deeper into Kurogane’s chest and muttered something. They laid like that until Kurogane’s alarm went off. 

“If you don’t mind I think I’ll go back to sleep,” Fai said, giving Kurogane a watery smile. “I’ll get up to say good-bye to Sakura.”

“Sleep well,” Kurogane said. He dropped a kiss on Fai’s forehead, and went about getting ready as silently as possible. As he went for the door, Fai rolled over to face him again.

“Goodbye,” Fai said with a smile. “I love you Kurogane.”

 

Kurogane got to his office as soon as possible and handed a number to Officer Shibata. “Run this card number,” he instructed. “This is top priority.”

Kurogane went into his office his mind spinning as he waited for the credit card results. He was breaking several ethical guidelines, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He had figured at first that it wasn’t his business if Fai had a second bank account with a separate debit card. Yes, it made him uncomfortable, but if Fai needed that sense of security--a backup plan--then Kurogane wasn’t going to pull it out from under him. But now he knew Fai was about to do something incredibly stupid.

He told himself he was doing this because Fai was a witness, and for a witness and victim of a stalker were to leave his jurisdiction, it could cause all sorts of problems for his investigation. But that was a lie, and Kurogane had always asked Fai for the truth, and right now the truth of it was that his motives were entirely personal.

He was roused from his thoughts when there was a knock on the door. Shibata came in with a paper. “I have the bank statements you wanted,” he said. “Does this have to do with the case?”

“Yes,” Kurogane said, looking over the papers. “It’s a lead I want to follow up on. I don’t know that it will go anywhere, but it’s time sensitive.” He reached for his jacket as he spoke and, without offering any more explanation, made his way to his car and drove home as quickly as possible.

 

Fai picked up the photo he kept by his nightstand. It was the whole family: Fai, Kurogane, Toya, Yukito, Syaoran and Sakura. They were in a park and it was summer. Sakura had made flower crowns for everyone, and was holding hands with Syaoran. Fai smiled as he tucked the photo into the inside pocket of his backpack. He wouldn’t be able to take anything else. He packed light--a few shirts and pants, shorts, sandals, enough to get him through about a week. His hair was in the trash by the bathroom sink, leaving him only a short cut. 

“Australia?”

Fai forgot sometimes how quiet Kurogane could be when he wanted to. “It’s still summer there,” Fai commented, not turning around. “And I’ve always wanted to see a kangaroo, Kuro-tan.”

“Hand me the bag,” Kurogane said, reaching out his hand. With a sigh Fai passed over the backpack, and Kurogane dumped the contents on the bed. 

“How much is this?” Kurogane asked, pulling open the bag of cash.

“Ten thousand Australian dollars is the limit,” Fai said with a shrug. 

Kurogane flipped through the passport and scowled. “You’ve forged a Swiss passport and an Australian visa. Do you know how much trouble you’d be in if you got caught by border patrol…  _ Philippe?” _

Fai rolled his eyes. “It’s a high quality forgery--I wouldn’t get caught. I’m even better at talking my way out of bad situations in French.”

“You don’t--you don’t have to leave,” Kurogane said, sitting down on the bed.

“I can’t now,” Fai said with a laugh. “Are you going to charge me with anything.”

“I could,” Kurogane sighed. “But you know I can’t do that. My decision making when it comes to you… But you’re not thinking this through. What exactly do you think will happen if you go to Australia?”

“Ashura will find me,” Fai said with a shrug. “I might have time to get a life set up there, might not. But he would find me.”

“And then what?” Kurogane demanded. “You just let him.”

Fai hummed. “I was thinking Mexico next. He would catch up to me at some point, but it would be somewhere new, far away from you and Sakura-chan and Syaoran-kun and Toya-kun and nobody but me would get hurt.”

“Fai don’t do this,” Kurogane urged him. 

“You said you’d keep me safe,” Fai snapped, turning to look at him. “You said nothing would happen, but he was in our  _ house.  _ I trusted you, and now I’m doing it my way. You can try to stop me if you think you can bear the idea of sending me to prison.”

“So this is just what you do isn’t it?” Kurogane shouted. “You just take a new name and run away don’t you? Running only gets you so far, and you can’t stand and fight alone.”

“A new name you say, Kuro-pon?” Fai asked, freezing with his hand at the doorknob.

“You’re Yuui, aren’t you?” Kurogane said. “That’s your big secret. Your brother’s autopsy report was inconsistent with the hospital records. It was you that day at the hospital. 

“So you know then,” Fai said with a harsh smile. “I was the one who was supposed to die.”

“Neither of you were supposed to die,” Kurogane argued. “You were little boys. Eight-year-olds aren’t supposed to die, not like that. I don’t know what happened or why--but I told you before that nothing could make me stop loving you, and it’s true. So if I have to drag you to the station just to keep you in this country, I will.”

Fai turned to face him, then leaned against the wall. “You don’t even know what happened,” he whispered.

“Then tell me,” Kurogane said stubbornly. “Tell me and I’ll show you it doesn’t matter.”

Fai gripped his elbows, looked everywhere but at Kurogane, then said, “There’s a box under the bed. I hadn’t gotten a chance to pack it when you came.”

Kurogane reached under the bed to pick up a plain wooden box. He’s seen it once, when he went to get a rat out of the crawl space, hidden away. He hadn’t looked then, but now Fai handed him a small silver key and he opened the lid. Inside were two light blue blankets, faded with age. Fai sat down beside him and pulled out the top blanket. It had the name  _ Fai  _ embroidered in white along one edge. “Everyone liked Fai,” Fai said. “He was an easy-going baby, hardly ever cried. He was shyer, always polite, and charmed everybody. Everyone who met him loved Fai.” Fai set the blanket and pulled out the bottom blanket, the one with  _ Yuui  _ written around the edge. “Yuui was more difficult,” Fai said with a laugh. “He was colicky, and he cried all the time. Mama and Papa started hitting him to make him shut up, but he never learned. He was always poorly-behaved, and he broke the rules and got in trouble. And when Yuui got in trouble, Fai got in trouble too. If Yuui stole an apple from the pantry, Fai would go hungry that night too. Yuui was always the bad one.

“Sometimes it was hard to be Fai, and sometimes it was hard to be Yuui, so we would switch. Nobody ever knew the difference. I liked being Fai better. People liked him, and gave him extra treats and said how good he was. When I was Yuui it was harder to be good. Mama and Papa didn’t like me very much then, and they hurt me worse. We would wake up and look at each other and one of us would ask, ‘which one do you want to be today?’. I tried not to be too greedy--tried not to be Fai too much. Because we couldn’t have one without the other, and  _ somebody _ had to be Yuui. I got hurt when I was Yuui, and I went to the hospital as Yuui. We always had to be ourselves at the hospital so we wouldn’t get caught. That was the rule. I came home in a cast, and we were in the basement while Mama and Papa talked about what to do about us. They called for Yuui, and I stood to go because it was my fault, but Fai grabbed me and he took the brace off my arm and ran upstairs before I could. I tried to save him, but I couldn’t. When the police came they asked which one I was and I--I--it wasn’t fair that Fai could die and Yuui got to live. It should have been the other way, so when my mom said the dead one was Yuui, I just nodded. And then I was Fai forever, and Ashura was the only one who knew, but…” Fai reached for the second blanket, the one that said  _ Yuui.  _ “But you’re right,” he said. “This one was made for me. I think Mama must have loved us before we were born at least. And she named me Yuui.”

Fai realized Kurogane’s hand was still on his back, rubbing gentle circles, while he had buried his face in the blanket.

“I think I’m just in love with Yuui as I was with Fai,” Kurogane said with a smile. Fai looked up at him, his eyes watering. “I want you--Fai, Yuui, whoever you are--I want you.”

“But it’s my fault!” Fai argued. “ _ I  _ was the one who got in trouble- _ -I _ was the one who was stupid, and  _ he _ died. And I’ve been lying this whole time. I don’t want to lie to people, but then I open my damn mouth and the first thing that comes out is whatever is easiest, whatever will make people happy, and I  _ lie _ and I  _ lie _ and I  _ lie _ .”

“You do it to survive,” Kurogane said simply. “I’ve always known that about you.”

“It’s not like I like it,” Fai said. “I wish I could just be normal and tell you everything, and you didn’t have to keep finding these things out about me, but I’m scared. I’m scared you’ll leave me if I’m not the person you want. I always know how to change myself to be the person people want, but with you it’s different, and I don’t  _ know.” _

“All i want is four you to be honest,” Kurogane said. 

Fai hummed and leaned into Kurogane’s chest. “You really don’t mind?” Fai asked,

“I said I don’t care about your past,” Kurogane hummed. “You just need to think about the future.” He ran his fingers through Fai’s blonde hair and then said, “You--do you still want to be called Fai.”

Fai nodded. “I’ve been him for so long,” Fai said. “It feels like I’m keeping just a little bit of him alive. So when I’m happy he can be happy with me too.”

“I think that sounds nice,” Kurogane said with a smile. “I think he’d want you to be happy.”

 

Kurogane came back to the station with Fai, and filled in the other’s on Fai’s identity. Fai had gone into a room with Detective Yamada to go over the details, but Kurogane hadn’t mentioned the ticket to Australia and the fake passport. He would have to talk to Yuuko about that though.

“At this point Fai is a flight-risk,” he told his officers. “If he were to leave the country we would lose our case. I want to catch this guy, not just send him to some other jurisdiction. I’m putting Fai on 24/7 watch. We have a watch at the house now, but he needs to be accompanied everywhere. He will think of excuses to get alone if he can. Don’t let him.”


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm getting close to wrapping this up. I'm working on what will probably be the final chapter, though I'm not sure exactly where I want to end it
> 
> **spoilers**  
> -just as a warning, Fai and Ashura do have a face-to-face run in in this chapter, and Fai is physically (but not sexually) assaulted.

Fai

 

Fai glanced over at Officer Shibata in the passenger’s seat and forced a smile before turning back to the road. “You don’t need to actually come to the meeting with me, do you?” Fai asked. Shibata barely let him take a piss in privacy. He didn’t know what Kurogane had said, but he wished his boyfriend wasn’t so overprotective. Kurogane had insisted he was the appropriate amount of protective for the given situation, but Fai didn’t think an armed guard was necessary.

“I’ll wait in the lobby,” Shibata said. “And watch the entrances.”

“That’s nice,” Fai hummed. He was having dinner in a high rise in Tokyo with a potential client. If he was lucky, he would be the lead engineer on a project to expand the bullet train. He didn’t think having a babysitter would speak well for his competency.

The building had a parking lot luckily. Fai scowled--he would spend a fortune on parking--but he couldn’t bring himself to take the train anymore. He knew his car was safe, and that was better than could be said of his house. They had policemen there all the time now, but Fai could still see the discolored spot on the wall where Ashura had made his mark. 

Fai left Shibata in the lobby and promised to get him when he was done, then headed up to the restaurant on one of the higher floors. He greeted several men, charmed them, told them about his work, gave compliments and bragged, just a little. At the end of the night, Fai showed diagrams of some of the metro stations and buildings he had worked on. 

One of the men picked up the picture of the Tomoeda metro, then said, “Do you happen to have the blueprints of this?”

“Of course,” Fai said. “I can have them sent to your office or… I believe I might have them in my car. I was driving everything home to decide what to bring. I can be right back with them.”

“That would be ideal,” the man said,and Fai made his way to the elevator. He bypassed the lobby and went directly to the parking lot. 

As soon as he got in the dark parking lot, Fai regretted that. He didn’t like having a bodyguard, but he would feel much better with Officer Shibata standing behind him. Fai tried to find his blueprints as quickly as possible and listen for anybody approaching. He had just shoved his blueprints in his case when he heard a footstep. He spun around, and two hands caught him by the wrist and pushed him backwards, pinning him to the trunk or the car.

Fai let out a cry, and then he caught a glimpse of Ashura’s face as the taller man gripped him by the hips and spun him around so he was bent over the trunk of the car. “Miss me?” that familiar voice said in his ear. Ashura’s body was pressed up against him, his lips close to Fai’s ears. 

Fai didn’t have words, couldn’t make his throat work, but he did have his legs free. He kicked his legs out against Ashura’s shin, and then stamped on his instep. Ashura’s grip on Fai’s wrists slackened enough for Fai to turn back around, slam his knee into Ashura’s groin and then run for the stairs.

Ashura was hot on his heels. Fai only had two flights to go up, but a lot could happen in two flights. As he reached the second landing, he felt Ashura’s hand grip onto his jacket and then grab him by the ankle. Fai managed to twist himself around to slam his other foot into Ashura’s chest, but he had fallen in the process. He didn’t realize he was screaming until Ashura pressed one hand against his mouth and pulled out a pocket knife with the other. Fai’s eyes widened. He lifted his arm to push Ashura off him, and felt a burning pain across his forearm. That didn’t deter him from kicking both feet into Ashura’s gut and pushing his shoulder away at the same time. Ashura stumbled backwards and tumbled down the stairs. Fai didn’t waste a moment before sprinting up the rest of the stairs and pushing his way into the lobby. He had barely spilled out of the stairway when Shibata caught sight of him.

Everything after that was a blur. Shibata guided him to a seated position against the wall. A man ran over to help until Fai heard sirens and men in uniforms took over. Fai heard his own name and looked up to see a face he recognized.

“Soma-san?” he asked.

“I’m right here for you Fai-san,” Soma said. “Kurogane-san is on his way. Was it Ashura that attacked you?” 

Fai nodded and said, “parking lot.” Soma barked out some orders, and men ran to the stairwell. She turned to Shibata, who had turned white as a sheet. 

“You’d better think of what you’re going to say to Kurogane-san,” she said to Officer Shibata. “His boyfriend got hurt on your watch…” Shibata ran in the direction of the bathroom, and Soma smiled and turned back to Fai. “The E.M.T. stitched you up, and you shouldn’t need to go to the hospital for that. But we need to know if a sexual assault took place.”

“No,” Fai said. “I got away. He couldn’t do anything. I ran.”

“Okay,” Soma said. “But if something did happen, nobody will be angry with you. Kurogane-san won’t blame you at all. You can tell us any time.”

“Nothing happened,” Fai insisted. 

“Okay,” Soma said. “Now I’d like you to tell me everything you can. If you’d rather wait until Kurogane-san comes, we can wait also.”

“I was in a meeting,” Fai said, then his eyes widened. “They were waiting for me. I have to call and explain…”

“It’s been taken care of,” Soma assured him. “Shibata told them you were mugged. They’ll be in touch with you in a few days.”

Fai nodded and gripped the blanket that was draped around his shoulders. He didn’t remember getting the blanket, or the bottle of water next to him, or anybody stitching his arm together, but he could remember everything in the parking lot and stairwell.

“I went down to get some papers…” he began.

Fai had almost finished his account when someone threw open the doors to the lobby and shouted, “Where the  _ fuck  _ is he?”

“Over here, Kurogane-san,” Soma called, moving aside so Kurogane could run over and kneel beside Fai. 

“What the Hell happened?” Kurogane demanded. “Where was Shibata-san? Why were you alone? How did this happen.”

“Kurogane-san, I don’t care how shiny your badge is these days, you cannot cause my witness undue stress,” Soma said testily. “Fai was just explaining to me what happened.”

“Of course,” Kurogane said. “Of course, keep going. Unless… if you want me to leave…”

Fai let go of his blanket to grab Kurogane’s wrist. His arm was bare: they must have cut his sleeve off to get to his arm. “I liked this shirt,” Fai said, glancing down at the ripped edge. 

“We’ll get you a new one,” Kurogane said. “Please just finish telling Soma-san what happened.” Fai nodded and finished his story. It wasn’t too bad now he thought about it. Worse things happened to people every day, and all he had to show for it was a cut on his arm, not even worth a trip to the hospital. Really there was no need for him to be acting like a child, panicking against the wall.

“Thank-you Fai,” Soma said. “Now, since there was a fight, we do need to take some of your clothing as evidence. Kurogane-san brought you a change of clothes. We are going to see if we can find any of Ashura’s hair or blood on your clothing.”

“I can help you change,” Kurogane offered, and walked with Fai to the bathroom. It was one stall, and Kurogane locked it. “I brought you your blue sweater and the soft sweatpants,” Kurogane said. “And there’s underwear in case--in case there’s any evidence on your underwear.”

“There’s not,” Fai said firmly.

Kurogane glanced around, then said, “you don’t have to report it if you don’t want to. But if anything happened, please let me take you to a doctor. I want to make sure you’re healthy.”

“It didn’t happen!” Fai snapped. “I’m sure he had that in mind, but it didn’t happen so it doesn’t matter. Now hand me that sweater.” Kurogane handed Fai the sweater and put his discarded clothing in a plastic bag while Fai got dressed. He could feel Kurogane’s eyes on every one of his bruises and scrapes. Once he had slipped into the tennis shoes Kurogane had brought him, he looked up and smiled. “Good as new,” he said with a grin.

“Let’s just get you home,” Kurogane said with a sigh. “I’ll deal with Shibata later.”

“I have my car also…” Fai started to say. 

“I’ll get it for you tomorrow,” Kurogane said. “You’re not leaving my sight.”

They left the bathroom to see Soma glaring at Kurogane. “You need to move your car,” she said. “You of all people should know how much chaos it causes when some idiot decides to part in the middle of the street.”

“Send me a bill for the parking violation,” Kurogane said with a shrug. “I’m taking this one home.”

 

When they got home Fai snuck up the stairs while Kurogane got Syaoran and Sakura to bed. Toya and Yukito were sitting in the living room and Kurogane knew they’d seen Fai come in, but they would have to wait until Fai fell asleep for an explanation. 

“Do you think I can give father a hug before I go to bed?” Sakura asked, pausing at her bedroom door. 

“If he’s not in the bath,” Kurogane said with a shrug. “I think he’d like that. He had a bad day.” Sakura nodded and disappeared into the master bedroom, while Kurogane went to tuck Syaoran in. Syaoran was far too old for this, but the last few weeks Kurogane felt like he needed to do it to make sure his son was safe, and Syaoran never complained. Kurogane held himself back from searching the whole room--whole house--forcing himself to trust whichever officer was on duty outside.

“Father?” Syaoran asked.

“Yeah kid?” Kurogane asked. He sat on the edge of Syaoran’s bed.

“What happened to me before I came to live with you?”

That wasn’t the question Kurogane was expecting, but he imagined why it had come up. Words like “human trafficking” and “child prostitution” would have been floating around, and Syaoran wasn’t stupid.

“We don’t know,” Kurogane admitted. “We may never know. Physically you appeared… untouched, and you didn’t show psychological symptoms of sexual abuse if that’s what you’re worried about, but if you ever remember anything… I can’t guarantee that nothing happened. I can tell you that you had a lot of drugs in your system. It was common to give to kids to make them docile, and probably someone loaded you up on opiates after whatever happened to your eye, so you were pretty disoriented. That’s probably why you don’t remember things, that and the trauma. You were young, and kids often block out things like that. I… we all watched you pretty carefully to see if there were any hints, but you never gave any indication. You seemed more normal than would have been expected, so I just treated you like normal. But if you remember something, or something upsets you, you can tell me. Normally you could talk to Fai, but right now I’d rather you talked to me, or your grandparents. Fai has a lot on his mind, and I’m not sure he can be there for you.”

“I don’t remember anything,” Syaoran said. “I just… I don’t want to.”

Kurogane smiled and ruffled Syaoran’s hair. “Hopefully you won’t. And if you get upset, it’s okay to cry, every once in awhile. It doesn’t make you less strong.”

He didn’t kiss Syaoran, because that wasn’t something they did, he just patted his shoulder and got up to go to bed. Sakura was already in her bed, and Fai was in the bath. Kurogane knocked and Fai called for him to come in.

“How are you feeling?” Kurogane asked. He began to undress and removed his arm, which was a much quicker process now that Fai had gotten him this newer model.

“My butt hurts from when I fell on it. I’m sore all over, and I think I twisted my back.” Fai complained.

Kurogane grunted, aware he wasn’t likely to get more information than that. “I’ll give you a back massage,” Kurogane said.

“Really?” Fai asked, sitting up in the tub. 

“Yeah,” Kurogane said. “As soon as I’m done brushing my teeth. Dry off and lie down in bed.” Fai grinned and stepped out the the bath, water falling from his skin. Kurogane could see bruises forming all over his skin, but he didn’t linger on it long. It didn’t bother him to see somebody who had gotten injured on the job. If Fai had been in the same line of work, or athletics, Kurogane didn’t think those bruises would bother him in the slightest. Fai was by no means delicate, no matter how me may look, he could hold his own in a fight, and Kurogane had marked him up worse while teaching him to fight. But knowing how afraid Fai must have been, that made even the smallest mark seem like a gaping wound.

Kurogane pushed open the bathroom door and picked up the massage oil from the dresser to sit next to Fai, who was lying in bed. “Is it nice and warm Kuro-puu?” Fai asked.

“Yes,” Kurogane said and poured a pool of oil on the divot of Fai’s lower back. Slowly, he spread it around Fai’s back, making sure to go gently over the tender areas where bruises were growing. 

“Is this where it hurts?” Kurogane asked, kneading his knuckles in Fai’s spine. Fai let out a loud, low moan in response. Kurogane scowled. He usually had to work hard to make Fai moan like that. Kurogane rolled his knuckles over Fai’s spine and continued to knead into Fai’s muscles until he heard Fai’s breathing slow and knew his boyfriend was drifting off. Kurogane pressed a kiss to the back of Fai’s head, then pulled a blanket up over his shoulders. 

Fai was fast asleep, his face in a peaceful expression, so Kurogane got under the blankets next to him, only after glancing out to window to check that the police car was still parked outside, watching.

 

Kurogane woke to the sound of a muffled sob. He turned over to see Fai, rolled away from him with his face shoved into his pillow.

“Fai,” Kurogane said, sitting up. He reached over to set his arm on Fai’s shoulder, but Fai only curled further away from him. He didn’t ask what was wrong, because they both knew and that was a stupid question.

“I never wanted him to touch me again,” Fai sobbed, his words barely audible through the pillow. “I never wanted to feel his hands on my body. And I know it wasn’t that bad, and it’s not like he  _ did  _ anything, but I can’t stop thinking about the way his hands were on my wrists. His breath against my ear. And I should just forget about it already and…”

Fai was ugly crying. His face was red and splotchy in the moonlight, snot and tears were covering his face, but Kurogane didn’t let him hide into a pillow, and just leaned forward to kiss Fai’s cheeks.

“I don’t know how I’m going to get back to normal,” Fai admitted. “It took me twenty years to get to a place like this, and now I’m… I don’t know if I can get it all back.”

“You’ll get it back,” Kurogane said, and his tone allowed no argument. 

“I know you’ll think I’m weak,” Fai said. “But I just couldn’t face it. I ran because I just couldn’t face it and now… I still can’t face it.”

“You’re not weak,” Kurogane murmured. “You can’t… people aren’t built to deal with things like that. You did the best you could. You’ll do it again.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> pretty short chapter. After this I believe there will only be two more, depending on how I want to break things up.

Soma had managed to get a picture of Ashura’s car leaving the parking lot and tracked down the license plates down to a stolen car. They’d gotten the car on some traffic cameras heading north out of Tokyo before losing track of him. Chances were he was staying close to Tomoeda, though likely far enough out of the way that he could keep out of sight.

Fai hadn’t left the house since. Toya and Yukito had taken over the cooking and getting Syaoran and Sakura to and from school. Kurogane hardly spent any time at home, and when he did he mostly ended up taking care of Fai and drinking. 

It couldn’t go on.

Kurogane was going over security footage from the night of the attack with officer Watanabe when the phone rang.

“It’s for you, Chief,” Nakano said. 

Kurogane picked up the phone and was greeted by a silky voice. “I’ve been waiting quite a while to speak to you  _ Kuro-chan. _ ”

Kurogane gestured at his officers, and after mouthing, ‘it’s Ashura’ he finally got the recording device plugged into the telephone. 

“Anything in particular you’ve been wanting to say?” he asked. 

“We’ve got quite a lot in common you know,” Ashura drawled. 

“I’m nothing like you,” Kurogane said, putting all his effort into regulating his voice. He couldn’t let Ashura think he was getting to him. 

“Well we both love Fai,” Ashura said. “And we both got young boys, didn’t we. Syaoran was, what, seven? Fai was about that age. They’re so cute then. They just want to please you.”

“Don’t you even mention my son,” Kurogane hissed. If he clenched his fist any hard he thought it might burst.

“I’m sure his real family misses him,” Ashura said. “But then again, the Li family has plenty of other kids.”

“You’re making thing up now,” Kurogane said. Syaoran hadn’t remembered his last name.The chances Ashura knew anything about him from before were slim. But then, Kurogane thought with a pang, he had been involved with chid trafficking, and he had connections, enough to bring him here.

“Maybe I am,” Ashura said. “I’m calling because you must realize by now that you can’t protect him. Nobody will ever love him the way I do. If you try and come between that somebody is going to get hurt.”

“I have a duty to Fai as a citizen of this city,” Kurogane said simply. “You can’t intimidate me into ignoring this case. But I will tell you this: I’m quite good at what I do, but I’m even better when I’m defending the people I love.”

 

Fai convinced Kurogane to take a day off for the first time in a month, and to his surprise, Kurogane realized he had slept through the kids heading out to school. Fai was downstairs vacuuming, and Kurogane was hungry, but he didn’t want to move just yet. Over the sound of the vacuum he could just hear the sound of Fai singing--badly--and smell breakfast. Hoping there was something left for him, Kurogane got ready quickly, then made his way downstairs. The vacuum was off now, and Fai was sitting on the kitchen sofa, looking at something. As soon as he heard Kurogane approach, he shoved whatever he had between the sofa cushions and turned to smile at Kurogane. “Breakfast is on the table for you Kuro-rin,” Fai said with a smile. “It shouldn’t need warming up. I was just about to wake you.”

Kurogane grunted and walked to sit beside Fai on the couch and out his hand between the couch cushions. Fai’s hand jerked in his direction, but he didn’t stop him, just whispered, “It was under the carpet. I found it while I was cleaning.”

Kurogane felt the glossy surface of a photograph and pulled out a picture or Fai and Ashura together. “You shouldn’t even look at this kind of thing,” Kurogane grumbled, and stood up to get rid of the photo.

“Wait,” Fai said, gripping his wrist. “It’s--it was a good day.” Kurogane stared at him but let Fai take the photo back, and he sat back down when Fai patted the seat behind him.

In the photo Fai seemed to be about nine or ten, and it was clearly winter. He was bundled up in a hat and mittens, but his cheeks and the tip of his nose had turned red. But he was grinning and holding his arms out. Kurogane realized he was on a sled, Ashura seated behind him, holding Fai around the waist, looking down at him with a smile. If Kurogane didn’t know what he knew, he would say Ashura’s expression was loving.

“He took me sledding with some other boys from the neighborhood,” Fai said. “He didn’t like me spending time with other kids much, because he was worried I would say something, but this once he let me. And we had so much fun, and he took me home, and showed me how to make hot chocolate--the good way--with cinnamon, and then I fell asleep on the sofa watching Christmas movies and he just carried me to bed and tucked me in. And I know it sounds weird but really--it really was one of the better days of my life.”

“I don’t understand,” Kurogane admitted. “How could it be, when he…”

“Because just for one day I had an adult who loved me and was going to take care of me, and didn’t want to hurt me,” Fai said. “It--I could ignore all the other days just for that. And that--that kind of love is something different from what you can give me. I’d ignore a lot just so I could pretend he loved me.” Fai covered his mouth with the palm of his hand and let Kurogane take the photo and slip it into his pocket. “I’m sorry,” Fai said, when Kurogane pulled him into a hug. “I wanted to give you a day off from all of this. So we could relax and go out to lunch and see a movie and cuddle, and not worry about things.”

Kurogane kissed Fai’s hair and said, “We can still do those things. Just let me eat a little, and I’ll put this photo away somewhere. We won’t throw it away until you’re ready.”


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things between Fai and Ashura come to a head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -Sorry about the cliff hanger :/  
> -next chapter will be the last  
> -I know guns are a lot less accessible in Japan, but I'm American so there had to be a shootout

Fai was out grocery shopping when his phone rang. He glanced down to see Syaoran’s number and picked up. Watanabe was trailing close behind.

“Syaoran-kun,” Fai said, smiling as he hit accept.

“He’s here with me,” Ashura’s voice came from the phone. “You’ve gotta be good if you want this to end well.”

“Alright, I understand,” Fai said cheerfully, shooting Watanabe a smile. “What does he say?”

Ashura understood his meaning, because in a second it was Syaoran’s voice on the phone. “Fai-san,” he said. “Fai-san, we’re in the park. I’m sorry. I know I wasn’t supposed to go out alone, I don’t want you to get hurt because I did something stupid. It’s my fault…”

“So cute, isn’t he,” Ashura said, taking the phone back. “I’d suggest you find a way of coming to get him, unless you’d rather leave me alone with him. And you’re not going to put that phone down.”

“Ok, I’ll figure something out,” Fai said with a little laugh. He turned over his shoulder and looked at Officer Watanabe. “Watanabe-san,” he said. “My arm is hurting just a bit. Would you mind grabbing me eight pounds of leeks? Then we’ll be about ready to go, once I pick out some carrots.”

Watanabe made a face, but went off to get leeks, and as soon as he was out of sight, Fai set down his basket and ducked into the employees only area. Ignoring the angry shouts of produce workers, Fai slipped past the delivery truck and into the parking lot. From there it only took him a few minutes to get into his car. He had just pulled onto the street when he glanced into his rearview mirror to see Watanabe running out the front door.

“I’m free,” Fai said into the phone. “Where do you want me?”

“The park,” Ashura said. “We’re going to be just off the path of the south parking lot. When you can get there, you’d better be alone.”

“I will be,” Fai said, ignoring the incoming calls on his phone. 

It wasn’t far to the park, and Fai parked his car quickly and then ran for the footpath. He ran up some way and was just starting to wonder if he had gotten the place wrong when he heard Ashura’s voice call, “I can hear you Fai.”

Fai followed Ashura’s voice and emerged in a clearing. Ashura was standing behind Syaoran, a knife to the boy’s throat. Syaoran was in his running clothes, clearly having just gone out for a quick jog. He was trying to hide it, but Fai could tell he was terrified.

“Syaoran,” Fai said. “Syaoran are you alright?’

“Hang up the phone and close it,” Ashura said, and Fai didn’t even think before obeying. “He’s fine, but only if you do as I say. Come here,” Ashura instructed, and Fai did as he was told. “There are handcuffs on the ground. Cuff your hands behind your back. Tight.”

Fai hesitated, so Ashura drew the knife closer to Syaoran’s neck.

“We’re going away together,” Ashura said. “Just like we always planned it’ll be the two of us.”

Fai picked up the handcuffs while Syaoran tried to pull away from Ashura. “Don’t do it,” he cried. “Don’t let him hurt you. It’s my fault.”

Fai picked up the handcuffs and closed them around his wrists. “Syaoran,” he said softly. “Adults should protect children. Don’t blame yourself for this.”

Ashura drew the knife away from Syaoran’s throat, and pushed him away. “Run along,” he said, and pushed Syaoran away with one hand, while grabbing Fai’s collar with the other.

Syaoran paused, staring at Fai, and Fai knew he was going to try to fight Ashura, so he said. “Get your father. He’ll take care of--” Fai was cut of by Ashura’s hand gripping him by the throat and pulling him against his chest. “Run!” Fai gasped, and Syaoran disappeared into the trees. 

Ashura tipped Fai’s chin up until their faces were inches away. “I’ve given you so many chances,” Ashura said. He reached up to touch where Fai had cut his hair off. “You’re still beautiful you know. For me, it’s always been you. It’s only ever been you. My love for you… maybe it was too strong. But we were happy once, weren’t we?”

Fai shook his head. Ashura sighed. “You loved me once, but you won’t love me again.”

“I hate you,” Fai managed to spit out.

“Shame,” Ashura said. “I loved you so much, but I suppose I’ve really made myself into a monster.” He pulled Fai to his feet.

“Where are you going to take me?” Fai demanded.

“I had a private plane to Goa,” Ashura said. “But if this is how you feel--we’re not going anywhere. This is the end, Fai.” Fai couldn’t keep tears from dripping down his face. He gasped in surprise when Ashura turned him around and unlocked the handcuffs. “But there’s one last thing I want you to do for me.” Fai meant to run as soon as his hand was free, but he felt Ashura place something in his hand. “I want you to end this Fai.”

“What…” Fai said, feeling the gun in his hand. 

Ashura turned him back around so they were facing one another, and brought Fai’s hand up so the gun was against his chest.

“If you mean it, if you hate me, kill me,” Ashura said. “I don’t want to live in a world where you hate me.”

“What--” Fai said, taking several steps back. It didn’t occur to him to run. He had dreamed of this day before. He didn’t think he would hesitate, he thought he would kill Ashura with no thought, no remorse, but now. “I’ll do it,” Fai said, more to himself than Ashura, his hand shaking. “I’ll kill you. I will.”

“You can’t do it,” Ashura said. “You’re mine. You’ll always be mine.”

“You’re wrong,” Fai said, unlocking the safety. “I’ll do it. I will--” His hand was shaking so much, even if he pulled the trigger, there was no saying where the bullet would go. He willed his finger to move, but he was frozen in place. “I--I can’t,” Fai cried and dropped the gun, sinking to his knees. Ashura dragged him to his feet, and Fai couldn’t bring himself to resist. Before he knew it, Ashura had one arm around his waist, and was holding a gun to Fai’s temple.

“We’ll go together then,” Ashura said. “We were always meant to be together. If you can’t do it, I will. First you, then me.” 

“Drop the gun and step away from him.”

Kurogane emerged from the trees, holding his own gun, and he had several other officers, their guns trained on Ashura. 

“You shoot me, he dies too,” Ashura said. “It’ll be even better this way. You get to kill us both.” 

“Kurogane,” Fai said, staring hard at his boyfriend. If Kurogane shot, Fai knew he was dead, but if Kurogane held his fire, Ashura would shoot him anyways. Fai needed to get Ashura’s gun away from his head, just for a second.

“Ashura,” he said suddenly. “I’m scared.” Kurogane’s brow furrowed, but Fai heard the sharp intake of Ashura’s breath. “Kiss me. Kiss me one last time before we go. You’re right--I’m yours. I’ve always been yours. I should have gone with you when I had the chance. But I don’t want to die without…”

He turned his head to the side, giving Ashura an angle to bring their lips together, but also turning his head away from the point of Ashura’s gun. When Ashura leaned in to kiss him, Fai shot Kurogane a glance, and then jerked his head backwards.

Two gunshots went off at once.


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The End

“Fai!” Kurogane shouted. Ashura had fallen backwards in a pool of blood, and Fai had fallen forwards onto his knees, gripping his eye. Blood was leaking through his finger. Kurogane pulled Fai’s hand away from his face and gasped. “Bring the medics over,” Kurogane said, and held Fai against his chest. “Don’t die,” he whispered. “You’re not allowed to die.”

As if in answer Fai clasped onto Kurogane’s shirt, holding tight before he went limp. Kurogane watched as the medical team lowered Fai onto a stretcher. Someone else had confirmed that Ashura was dead, but Kurogane knew that. His shot had hit its target, going clear through Ashura’s heart. 

Kurogane knew he should stay, knew he was in charge of this crime scene, but he ignored that and followed Fai into the ambulance, gripping his hand tight as they made their way to the hospital. He didn’t hear the paramedics, didn’t hear anything until Fai was wheeled into an operating room at the hospital. 

It wasn’t until the doors closed that Kurogane had the presence of mind to call Toya.

Toya answered on the first ring. “Is he okay?” Toya demanded before Kurogane had a chance to say anything.

“He’s in the hospital,” Kurogane said. “His eye--he’s in surgery. I don’t know… the doctors won’t tell me anything. I’m not family.”

“I’m coming,” Toya said, and the phone clicked off. Kurogane lowered himself onto a bench and buried his face in his hands. When Syaoran had called him, Kurogane didn’t think he had ever been so terrified, not even when he lost his arm. That had only been an arm. Fai was so much more. 

Syaoran was at home with Sakura and Yukito, and he would be frightened, but Kurogane couldn’t leave the hospital, not until Toya came at least, and he didn’t know how he was going to…

Without thinking much, he dialled his mother’s phone number. Before she had the chance to say more than hello, he said, “ Mother, Fai’s in the hospital. He got shot, and we’re not sure if he’s going to be okay, and I have to take care of the kids too, but I don’t even know how I’m going to tell them that… that Fai could…”

“I’m coming,” Hoshi said. “I’ll get your father, and then we’ll get in the car.”

 

Toya showed up within fifteen minutes, and had been talking to a doctor for the last ten. Kurogane sat up when Toya emerged, a grim look on his face.

“Is he okay?” Kurogane demanded.

“They can’t say anything until he’s out of surgery,” Toya said. “The gunshot shattered his cheekbone, and the impact damaged his eye. But at least there doesn’t appear to be any brain damage. Most likely he’ll be fine, but it’s surgery so…” Toya sat down and put his head in his hands. “What happened?”

“Ashura took Syaoran,” Kurogane sighed. “And Fai snuck off to meet him, and then… I don’t know. They were still in the clearing Syaoran-kun told us about, and Ashura had a gun to his head. He was going to shoot, and I only had one clear shot, and I guess we kept him from shooting his right in the head, but it was still…”

“And Ashura?” Toya asked.

“He’s dead,” Kurogane said. 

“Good,” Toya said. He paused, then said. “I would have done it if you didn’t.”

Kurogane turned to look at Toya. He knew he should scold him, but he couldn’t fault the boy. “I’m glad it didn’t come to that then,” Kurogane said. “And not only for Fai’s sake.”

Toya held his gaze, then said, “You ought to go home to your kid. He thinks it’s his fault.”

Kurogane glanced at the door to the operating room, but there wasn’t anything he could do for Fai, and Syaoran needed him. “Call us if anything happens,” Kurogane said, and took of towards the exit. He hailed a cab, and when he saw the way the driver looks at him, he remembered he is covered in Fai’s blood. “It’s been a rough day,” he said, sliding into the backseat of the cab. He gave the address and then leaned back against the headrest until he got home. 

When he got home the kids were in the living room. Their eyes widened when they saw the blood on Kurogane’s shirt.

“Fai is in the hospital,” Kurogane said, pulling up a chair to take a seat opposite the kids. “It looks as if he will survive, but I can’t make any promises. Toya-kun will call when he knows more.”

Sakura looked terrified, and Syaoran looked on the verge of tears. “It’s my fault,” he whispered. “You told me not to go places alone, but I thought it would be okay. I didn’t listen.”

“Maybe we didn’t tell you enough,”Kurogane sighed. “Fai didn’t want you to know… but this man was determined to take Fai, one way or another. We told you to take precautions for your own safety. I’m just glad your safe, and I am glad Fai did what he did to protect you. I would have done the same for any of you. This wasn’t your fault. I won’t let anybody take the blame for what this man did to our family. He chose to do what he did, and it’s nobody’s fault but his.”

“But if I hadn’t given him the chance, you could have caught him before anyone got hurt. I gave him the opportunity.”

“A thousand people gave him opportunities,” Kurogane said. “Everyday we all have opportunities to do horrible things, but we choose not to. It’s what we choose that makes us good or bad.” Syaoran still looked distressed, but Kurogane knew that guilt would not go away. He knew because he was trying to convince himself it wasn’t his fault either.

“I’m going to clean up,” Kurogane said.

“Maybe you two should get to sleep,” Yukito suggested.

“Nobody will be able to sleep tonight,” Kurogane said. “We may as well stay up together. But you have class tomorrow. You should rest.”

“I want to go to the hospital,” Yukito said. “I’ll sit with Toya.”

Kurogane nodded. None of them should be alone at a time like this. Kurogane showered as quickly as possible, then went downstairs. Yukito took off and Kurogane started some tea.

“Have you eaten?” He asked.

“Yukito-san made us dinner,” Sakura murmured.

“Good,” Kurogane said. He pulled some leftovers from the fridge and started eating without bothering to heat it up.

“Turn on the TV,” he said. “Time will go faster if you can distract yourselves.”

Syaoran looked unsure, but turned on the television. They were showing reruns of Sailor Moon, and Kurogane day on the sofa, waiting for the call. Eventually Sakura drifted off, her head resting on Syaoran’s shoulder. Syaoran was holding Sakura’s hand.

“You’ll need to be strong for her,” Kurogane commented. “You can’t be there for her if you’re too caught up blaming yourself. She will need you.”

Syaoran nodded, looking so serious. Kurogane paused, and then added, “you can’t be strong all the time though,” Kurogane said. “Sometimes you need someone else. And I’m here for you. Your grandparents will be coming too, and it’s okay to need them. I need them.”

Syaoran nodded and looked at the TV screen, but Kurogane knew he wasn’t watching it.

 

After an hour the phone rang. Syaoran was asleep too now, but both the kids woke up when Kurogane answered the phone.

“He’s out of surgery,” Toya said. “They expect him to recover well. It looks like there won’t be any brain damage but his eye—he won’t get that back. Even a transplant wouldn’t be possible. But they’ve done what they can.”

“Is he awake?” Kurogane asked.

“The drugs won’t wear off until the morning,” Toya said. 

Kurogane checked his watch.It was almost two in the morning. “You and Yukito should sleep,” Kurogane said. “Fai would want you to go to class tomorrow. My parents should be here any minute. I’ll sit with Fai and you can come home and sleep.”

“I can’t leave him,” Toya said. 

“He wouldn’t be alone,” Kurogane said. “At the very least you should come back to sit with Sakura-chan.”

Toya let out a laugh. “They told me that when our parents were in the hospital. They said she’d need me.”

“That was true then and it’s true now,” Kurogane said. “There’s nothing either of us can do for Fai now, except make sure he’s never alone.

Toya stayed silent for some time, then Kurogane heard some muttering and knew Toya and Yukito were talking. “Fine,” Toya said, his voice unsteady. “Once your parents get here, come to the hospital and I’ll leave him to you.”

There was silence and then Kurogane said, “I did all I could, Toya. I would never allow Fai to die.”

Toya sucked in a breath, then said, “I know.” The line went dead, so Kurogane turned off his phone and turned to the kids. “It looks like he’s gonna be okay,” Kurogane said, smiling at Sakura. “If he’s awake, you might be able to see him tomorrow. I’ll call your school. You two won’t have to go tomorrow.”

For the first time, Sakura finally cried, pressing her face into Syaoran’s shoulder. They boy looked bewildered, so Kurogane mouthed ‘hold her’ to his son.

Minutes later. Kurogane heard something from the porch. Instinctively, he flew to his feet, but when he flung to door open, it was his parents.

“Kurogane,” his mother said, and launched herself at him, pulling him into a tight hug. Kurogane felt his father patting his back, and let himself relax into his mother’s hug for a moment.

“The kids are in the living room,” Kurogane said. “I have to get to the hospital so Toya-kun and Yukito-kun can come back.”

“What happened?” His father demanded. “Was it that man you told us about?”

“Yes,” Kurogane said. “He was going to kill Fai, but he missed and got him in the eye instead. He came out of surgery fine, but the eye is gone.”

“Well Syaoran-kun here does just fine without one,” Kurogane Sr. said, looking over his son’s shoulder. Kurogane turned around to see Syaoran run up the stairs.

“Syaoran blames himself,” Kurogane whispered. “He was somewhat involved. I don’t really know what to do for him and Sakura—she’s already lost one set of parents.”

“It’s okay,” Hoshi said. “Just go to the hospital. We’ll take care of things. Now that we know Fai is okay, they might be able to sleep.”

Kurogane nodded and got in his car and headed to the hospital. Nobody was awake so he got there quickly. He called Toya to get the room number, then met him outside the room. 

“He’s supposed to sleep a while longer,” Toya said. “Call me when he wakes up.”

“Of course,” Kurogane said, following Toya into the room. There were several empty styrofoam cups on the side table, and Kurogane knew they had been drinking coffee to stay up all night. “Get some rest,” he said. “I’ll let you know if anything happens.”

They got up and made their way out of the room, and Kurogane took a seat by Fai’s bedside.

Fai’s eye was covered in gauze, and his skin was paler than usual. He was barely moving, but the monitor next to him was beeping steadily. Kurogane reached out to take his hand, and it was cold. 

Kurogane remembered waiting in the hospital waiting room when he had been younger. His father had sat just like this, holding his mother’s cold hand. Kurogane had been about Syaoran’s age then, terrified.

He didn’t remember when he laid his head on Fai’s lap and fell asleep. He could only stay awake on adrenaline for so long. The hospital blanket was scratchy against his face, but he drifted off shortly after assuring himself he would  _ not  _ fall asleep.

Several hours later, Kurogane stirred to the feeling of fingers running through his hair. With a grunt, Kurogane turned his head and looked up to see Fai smiling down at him. He jerked up to a seated position.

“You’re awake,” Kurogane said.

“The first thing I saw when I woke up was you,” Fai said with a smile. He gave Kurogane’s hand a squeeze. “What’s the damage?”

“You’re eye,” Kurogane said. “You won’t be able to see from that eye again. They patched everything else up fine.”

“Syaoran?” Fai asked.

“He’s home,” Kurogane said. “He’s safe. He’s upset, but he’s safe. They’re all safe.”

“Ashura?”

“Dead.”

Fai hummed, and seemed ready to drop the subject, but Kurogane said, “I didn’t have to do it. I had another shot--I could have made him get away from you without killing you. Even with the one hand my aim is good enough, I only kill when I mean to kill. Nobody will know the difference, but I know the difference, and you should too. I didn’t need to kill him--I wanted to, and at the end of the day, I’m willing to kill someone, if it’s someone like him, the law be damned. If it hadn’t happened like that--I would have tracked him down, buried him, dumped him in a lake, whatever. Do you think you can live with that.”

Fai was quiet for a while, then whispered, “I hoped you would. I knew it would be best for you if you didn’t, but when I thought about it… I didn’t want him to go to prison--I wanted him to die. Can you live with that?”

Kurogane nodded. He had at least done that for Fai, but Fai had probably expected him to keep him safe. Fai should never have taken that gunshot to his eye, should never even have gotten that cut on his arm, and as a father Kurogane had failed Syaoran.

“You didn’t get hurt either did you?” Fai asked. “I didn’t think so, but…”

“I’m fine too.” Kurogane reached up to brush Fai’s hair out of his face, making sure to avoid the white bandage.

“Is my face okay?” Fai asked, his eye widening. “I mean, apart from the obvious.”

Kurogane leaned in and gave Fai a gentle kiss. “Your face is fine,” he whispered. Fai, smiled, but winced when his smile got too broad.

“I suppose that will heal,” Fai said with a (smaller, weaker) smile.

“Stop pretending,” Kurogane growled and sat back on his seat. “Stop pretending it’s alright.”

“It’s alright now,” Fai said, looking at Kurogane in surprise. “Like you said, Ashura is dead. Nothing to worry about anymore.”

“I’m sorry, alright,” Kurogane shouted. “I--I thought I had an angle. I didn’t realize--I didn’t think you were in the line of fire. So yell at me, or whatever, don’t just act like you don’t care you got your eye blown out.”

“Well I’m not exactly happy about it,” Fai said with a bit of a laugh.

“You’re full of shit,” Kurogane growled.

“Look at me Kurogane.”

Fai said it with such command that Kurogane didn’t even think before snapping his head up to face him. “If I had the choice, I’d have liked to have kept my eye, but I’m glad I got to lose this and keep some other things. So it might be hard to adjust to, and it might be frustrating, but I’m ok with it, I really am. I’ve trusted you a lot over the last few months, so I expect you to trust me when I say I am alright with this, all things considered. Are you?”

“I--I,” Kurogane stammered, than sunk to his knees and rested his head by Fai’s hand on the hospital bed. “It’s my fault. If I’d just caught him sooner it wouldn’t be like this. You wouldn’t be in here, Syaoran wouldn’t have been involved, nobody would have gotten hurt. I should have protected you. That’s the whole  _ point  _ of me and I didn’t--”

“Stop!” Fai gripped Kurogane’s chin and pulled so hard it almost hurt until they were facing one another. “When I first saw you… well I thought you looked like a good lay… but after that, I thought you looked lonely, and I was lonely too, but I couldn’t say that so I just so…so I hoped you might have room for me in your life. And when I fell in love with you, it wasn’t because I thought one day I might be needing a cop on my side. I fell in love with you because you were fun, and you made me feel alive, but you also  _ saw  _ me, even when that scared me, and I only ever ran because I wanted you to catch me, but you always waited for me. And I didn’t think I wanted to fall in love with you, I didn’t think I  _ could  _ fall in love with you, but now I--I want you to… Suwa Kurogane will you kiss me goodnight ever day for the rest of our lives?”

Kurogane’s eyes widened. “You… you know what you’re asking?” He asked. Fai nodded, a little tearily. Kurogane’s heart clenched thinking about just how  _ brave  _ Fai was.

“I’d like an answer though,” Fai said with a laugh that held back tears.

Kurogane looked up at Fai, and he would absolutely deny he was crying. “Fai D. Flourite--or whatever you’re called--will you call me dumb nicknames for the rest of our lives?”

Fai laughed and sobbed at the same time.

“Yes Kuro-chan. Yes I will.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -thank you to everyone who has read along with me and commented. You guys are the best.  
> -I really enjoyed writing this  
> -I have some ideas to continue this series, but I'm not sure. If you'd want to see more, subscribe to the series and you'll be the first to know if more comes soon


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